So good to hear from you all...

I hope to hear from others yet, too! And send me pictures to post--here's a new one from Margie of the artist space she's created for herself. I've posted it above the "before" photo she sent me three months ago.

That green looks very like the color I've just painted on a piece of scrap beadboard. I signed escrow papers today and immediately headed for Home Depot, where I bought four paint samples. None of them are exactly right, so it's back tomorrow. The fun has begun!

Six Months and No Longer Counting!

We've passed the six month mark since beginning our joint journey through The Artist's Way at the beginning of January, and the three month mark since completing the final chapter. I wanted to give everyone one last chance to share any news and/or images regarding your creative life, so fire away! Post your comments here and shoot me an email with any images so I can post them for you. (Pam and Jan, you've sent me personal updates--it would be great to have you post them here as well!)

I continue to do morning pages almost every day. Weekly artist dates, too, but they have been at Home Depot and Lowe's and scouring home design magazines and websites! It's been almost three months since I've been inside the house I'm buying and it's still not mine, but I believe everything is now in order and I should close within the next week. Nevertheless, I'm not counting on anything until I have keys in hand! The close date has been extended four times already.

I will be pouring all my creativity into my new home in July. I'm NOT going to feel guilty that my writing has fallen by the wayside--for everything there is a season, and when the house is move-in ready the writing season will come round again. Or perhaps I'll just be writing, for a while, about my efforts to make this house my home--just to keep my hand in.

I am stepping into the shoes of homeowner-ship as a direct result of my work in The Artist's Way. It was such a worthwhile journey that I think I may offer it through Platform 9-3/4 on an annual basis starting every January. In the meantime, except for your response to this post, the blog will be in hiatus for the next six months. I'll send an email round in late December, and if you enjoyed the journey and have friends you think would also enjoy a group approach to The Artist's Way, perhaps you will forward the information. Perhaps you'll even join us again! There is something to be said for group accountability.

Thanks once again for being such an important part of my life for many months. I look forward to keeping up with you!

Fondly,

Barbara Jean Hicks

Three Weeks Further On

How's everybody out there doing? Are you still writing Morning Pages? (I missed five days on a hectic business trip but am back to doing them every morning.) What about Artist Dates? (I took a marvelous walk today through a fragrance garden and then along a boardwalk through a wetland preserve filled with water lilies, bullfrogs, blue bottles and birds. Beautiful for all my senses!)

Anybody else with anything to report? Any more images to share? (Jan sent me several, which you'll find below. This is our woman who felt like she didn't belong but then signed up for a watercolor class. And check out the cake pops! Talk about creating from a sense of play!)

My news:

1) The house I've placed an offer on is not yet mine, but getting closer! It's a short sale, so anything can happen, but I'm hopeful. All my life I've told myself that I would never be able to buy a house without having a man to help me with the process. And here I am. :-) Morning pages helped me realize that buying a home was something I wanted to do and gave me the impetus to move forward with it. Yay MP3's!

2) The book I helped a group of four grade school/middle school girls write between Christmas and New Years is out and available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble--and it's adorable! You can also find it at https://www.createspace.com/3806081. I spent a full day with them, they had one day to draft their part of the story, and we gathered again the next day for a second full day writing workshop. The girls are thrilled that they will actually earn royalties!

3) The school I went to as a child has invited me to do several classroom presentations at the end of May. I have an art project based on one of my picture books, Monsters Don't Eat Broccoli, that I'll be doing with them. I am so excited to be going back to the school where I first discovered I wanted to be a writer! I also recently helped a local teacher write a grant proposal for me to do a series of writing workshops with her students next year and publish their work in a classroom book. Fingers crossed!

If you have any images you'd like to share, please send them along. Here's what Jan sent me!

Jan: Three Candles

Jan: Party Cakepops

Jan: Cakepop Menagerie

Jan: Everything's Just Ducky

More of Your Images!

I'm so pleased to add these images from the TAW team--if you haven't yet shared, please send me a j-peg of something you created during the last three months as we journeyed on the Artist's Way together, and I'll post it. If you haven't done so already, make sure to check the last post for other images. I added several during the week, and you won't want to miss them!

Margie: Artist Altar ("Where I meditate, pray, think. I got myself a BIG God Box!")

Margie: Studio-To-Be ("I made and painted the silk pillow on the rocker.")

Maria: Artist Totem

Linda: Selected Illustrations

Pam: Cape Cod Bog

Check-In: Reflecting on the Journey

Our Journey Ends--Or Does It?

"No final flourishes here," Cameron says in her Epilogue to The Artist's Way. 

No flourishes, perhaps...but much reflection.

"The Artist's Way is a spiritual journey, a pilgrimage home to the self."

Are you, as I am, finding your way "home to your self" as a result of the last three months we've spent on this journey? Have you gained clarity, purpose, joy? Are you playing more? Dreaming more? Do you know your self better? Are you able to express that self with greater authenticity in your life and art?

I decided to revisit The Artist's Way at this particular time in my life because I felt lost to myself--lost and confused and vulnerable. I knew I needed to reconnect with the child-artist I had pushed aside in order to keep an uneasy peace with someone I knew at some level did not have my best interests at heart. I needed to heal. I needed to reconnect with the dreams I had let go.

I knew that leading a group through this course would hold me accountable in ways I wouldn't do on my own. I am so grateful to all of you for being here with me and for allowing me to be here with you as you, too, have deepened your relationship with your selves and reconnected with your dreams. I am honored.

I like Cameron's description of the Artist's Way as an upward winding path. "As we pursue climbing it," she says, "we circle back on the same views, over and over, at slightly different altitudes.... The road is never straight. Growth is a spiral process, doubling back on itself, reassessing and regrouping.... A fog may obscure the distance we have covered or the progress we have made toward our goal. While the occasional dazzling vista may grace us, it is really best to proceed a step at a time, focusing on the path beneath our feet as much as the heights still before us."

I've seen glimpses of those dazzling vistas through the fog. Enough to inspire me to keep climbing! One step at a time...

"Art is an act of the soul, not the intellect."

I'm the sort who wants to figure everything out, wants to know, wants to understand why. This course has reminded me that there are different ways of knowing. I may not ever be able to understand intellectually why things happen as they happen. Reason, after all, has no answer for the unreasonable.

Soul understands we are more than reason. Soul taps into the undercurrent that flows through and between all of us and makes the unreasonable understandable solely because it is human. That's where my art comes from--not from intellectualizing but from letting myself relax into the flow.

"We all start out the same way--rich in dreams and nothing more. If we are lucky, we find friends to believe in our dreams with."

I am fortunate, indeed! 

"As artists, we belong to an ancient and holy tribe. We are the carriers of the truth that spirit moves through us all."

Why have we made such strong connections here? Is it because we are members of the same tribe, we are moved by the same spirit--a spirit we recognize in each other?

We have reached the end of The Artist's Way, but we have not reached the end of the Artist's Way. The journey never ends. We continue to move toward our dreams--to move toward our selves--as the stars continue to move through the sky. "Like neighboring constellations," Cameron says, serving each other both as guides and as company. I can say along her that "my deepest wish for you is the company of fellow lights and the generosity to light each others' ways."

Behold the light!

If anyone else has images you'd like to share, please email them to me. Celebrate your Artist!

Barbara: What I Want Is Who I Am

Barbara: Artist Altar

Nancy: picture book spread from PavoRatti

June: Artist Altar

Spread featuring June's picture book The Goodnight Train

Ginny: Heart Treasures

Pam: Splash

Ann: Artist Altar

Check-In: Week Twelve

Recovering a Sense of Faith

"Adventures don't begin until you get into the forest. That first step is an act of faith."

I loved this opening quote from Grateful Dead drummer Mickey Hart. It's so true for us as artists, and for those of us who write, it's a reminder that Story begins with Change--either initiated by the protagonist or thrust upon him.

I also like Cameron's follow-up that when we enter the forest on the path that is right for us, "we have a surefootedness." We know what to do next, even if we don't know exactly where it will take us. "By trusting, we learn to trust."

The Andre Gide quote takes the faith required to embark on a journey even further: "One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." As one who has been out of sight of land on a small sailboat for days at a time, I understand this concept on a visceral level. I remember vividly being tossed about during a storm at sea and asking my companion if we were going to die. His profound answer: "Yes. But not tonight." I survived--and yes, I discovered new lands--both outside my self and within my self.

Cameron makes much of dreams this week:  

"Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And the faith to trust our own admission." 

"Our truest dream for ourselves is always God's will for us."

"It is the inner commitment to be true to ourselves and follow our dreams that triggers the support of the universe."

For me, the focus on dreams--the many exercises meant to help us discover, acknowledge and  clarify our dreams--has been the most significant part of my journey through TAW this go-through. One of my dreams is to help others discover, acknowledge, clarify and realize their dreams, and my goal in the next two weeks is to put together a proposal for a "creative dreaming/creative living" course to offer through my local community college's community ed program. The deadline for proposals is April 15, so I have my work cut out for me. If any of you have resources other than The Artist's Way you'd recommend I use as I develop the course, please, let me know what they are!

Other concepts and quotes from this chapter that resonated:

Abundance

"We have bought the message of our culture: this world is a vale of tears and we are meant to be dutiful and then die. The truth is that we are meant to be bountiful and live." 

Mystery

"Creativity--like human life itself--begins in darkness."

"Mystery is at the heart of creativity. That, and surprise..."

"How to raise the best ideas: Let them grow in dark and mystery. Let them form on the roof of our consciousness. Let them hit the page in droplets. Trusting this slow and seemingly random drip, we will be startled one day by the flash of Oh! That's it!"

Play

"In order to nurture our creativity, we require a sense of festivity, even humor..."

"It is a paradox of creative recovery that we must get serious about taking ourselves lightly. We must work at learning to play."

"Restive in our lives, we want to do something. But we think it needs to be the right something, by which we mean something important. [The truth is,] WE are what's important! " [emphasis mine]

And perhaps my favorite: "Life is mean to be an artist date." :-)


This is the last chapter in The Artist's Way, but the Epilogue and Appendix are well worth spending time on--so we'll officially "meet" on these pages for two more weeks: to comment on Chapter 12, to have time to read through the back matter, and then, after my final post next weekend, to comment on the back matter and Cameron's final words.

Next week I also want to post images of the playful work you've done over the last three months we've been meeting here: something you've created that is emblematic of your journey. If you haven't yet sent me a j-peg and you have something you'd like to share, please send it on! bhicksgvv at att dot net.

Cheers!

Check-In: Week Eleven

Recovering a Sense of Autonomy

My favorite quote from Week 11:

"To be an artist is to recognize the particular. To appreciate the peculiar. To allow a sense of play in your relationship to accepted standards. To ask the question 'Why?'

"To be an artist is to acknowledge the astonishing..." 

I'm reminded of an old friend whose creativity and playfulness I adored. Walking into his house the first time was mind-bending. He lived in a tiny place and had some of his furniture affixed to the walls! I've lost touch with him. Part of me hopes that even if he's moved on to a place that's large enough to accommodate all his furniture on the floor, he still has some of it on his walls...

Cameron spoke to me in many ways this week. Here's a sampling:

Stability and Flow

The discussion about different artists requiring different mixes of stability and flow (and perhaps different mixes at different times in one's creative life) brought me back to the job question I've been struggling with. My brother (the same one who gave me that great day off a few weeks ago) suggested I think about changing my perspective rather than changing my job.

I'd been resisting that--not because I don't think life is all about perspective, but because I DO. I'm the Queen of Perspective, the Queen of Flexibility, the Queen of Optimism. All my life I've used these skills to cope with whatever came my way. Like the kids in my last picture book, Monsters Don't Eat Broccoli, I know how to turn "yucky" into "yummy." And another door opens when one door closes? I'm there!

BUT... I have used this skill to my detriment. Sometimes it has not been about closed doors but about closed eyes. I've stayed both in unhealthy relationships and at unsatisfying jobs too long because I can see through the other guy's eyes, I can go with the flow, I know things are going to get better...

This time, because of my work in The Artist's Way, my eyes aren't closed. I'm very clear about what I want in a number of arenas. And this time, changing my perspective means I can see the job as a tool to get me where I want to go. I've figured out how to organize it so the time I spend is mostly enjoyable--and so that I have MORE time to pursue my art! It's not perfect. Some things about it will never get better. But it is getting me where I want to go. It's a pesky bug instead of a nine hundred pound gorilla. Right now, it's giving me a chance for BOTH stability and flow. I know what my bottom lines are and I know what my life will look like at the moment it's time to let go.

Moving Meditation

I sometimes forget that as an artist I must live in my body as well as my mind and spirit. I remember with great fondness one summer when I took a dog named Daisy for a walk in the woods every morning. I'd landed at a friend's house in the Sierra Nevada in the midst of a road trip with that boyfriend of the furniture-on-the-wall. He found a job, stayed in town and did stand-up comedy at a local club. I stayed in a cabin across the driveway from my friend's house and worked on a novel. And Daisy helped me work out my plot points every morning. The combination of exercise, fresh air and someone to talk to about my work-in-progress was pure magic as far as creative inspiration. (Great thing about dogs--they never tell you that your ideas are ridiculous!) That summer was one of the best of my life. Perhaps I need to think about recreating it...

Perhaps I am. I felt the same creative inspiration this week after going to visit Nancy (yes, our Nancy!) in her home studio on the water, then going for a bike ride and a walk on the beach. My morning pages this week have turned into a repository of creative ideas instead of a bitch session! There is magic in movement, not to mention fresh air...

Some great thoughts from Cameron this week:

My art has intrinsic value apart from what the market determines.

"I need to create what wants to be created."
"Creativity is its own reward."
"Our creativity is our gift from God. Our use of it is our gift to God."

Creativity can't be perfected or finished. It is a restlessness, an appetite for exploration, an invitation to expand in order that we don't contract. 

"The stringent requirement of a sustained creative life is the humility to start again, to begin anew."
"Those who attempt too long to work with formula, even their own formula, eventually leach themselves of their creative truths."

Exercise--movement--puts us in the "now," helps us focus on what's most important, and gives us an opportunity to celebrate our capacity to feel. Wow!

"Walking offers the benefit of sensory saturation. Things do not whiz by. We really see them. Insight follows from sight. We fill the well and later tap into it more easily."

"The goal is to connect to a world outside of us. To [forget self-obsessive self-exploration and] simply explore. One quickly notes that when the mind is focused on other, the self often comes into a far more accurate focus." [emphasis mine]

"The artist child speaks the language of the soul: music, dance, scent, shells..."

Did anyone create an artist's altar this week? I didn't, but it's something I'd like to do moving forward. Would love to hear your ideas! 

"We learn by going where we have to go."

'Nuff said. How did your week go? Can't wait to hear!

Next week: Recovering a Sense of Faith

Check-In: Week Ten

Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection

Okay, so I went through the entire week feeling like this chapter didn't relate to me at all. Especially the part about the Awful Truth and the Deadlies. And then I woke up this morning with an entire laundry list of things I've let get in the way of my creativity. (Criminy--talk about food--I went to bed with a bag of chips last night and finished them off!) The TAW journey has uncovered these things for me, but I got distracted by Cameron's list, which for the most part doesn't include my personal "drugs of choice."

The one thing most deadly to my own creative living, and one I've fought all my life, is, I think, a very female problem: making someone else's agenda more important than my own. I realize (and have known for some time) that I need to be constantly on guard against this. What I Want is part of what makes me Who I Am. To always give up my own agenda for someone else's comfort, pleasure, convenience, whatever, means losing a little bit of myself each time, and I've done that too often.

My current "drugs of choice" might seem inconsequential, but when they are consuming my time and keeping me from creating, they are as bad for me as any on Cameron's list. My peccadilloes: mindless reading, mindless TV, mindless computer games (Scrabble is my downfall!) and constantly, mindlessly checking my email. See a pattern here?! If I read, watch TV, play Scrabble (maybe with real people instead of a machine?), and check my email with intention instead of mindlessly, the whole dynamic changes. I want to be more intentional about the ways I spend my time...

The task I liked best this week was Self-Cherishing. Small victories? I updated my resume and sent several out, and I did some engaging research on early readers for my new writing project. Nurturing my artist? I went to the Leo Kottke concert and saw The Lorax. Comforting my artist? I've been very careful about my diet in the last six months and have lost twelve pounds; last week I let myself have high-fat comfort food several times without feeling guilty. So I gained a pound. I knew why I was eating--it was the anniversary week of my partner leaving. I not only lived through the week but had a good one, and now the comfort food kick is behind me. (Just had a lovely bunch of steamed asparagus along with my lean lunch sandwich...) Lovely things I did for myself? I shared meals both with my brother and my local TAWer, Nancy. And I got a massage! It was an important week for me to be good to myself and I'm so glad Cameron insisted I do so!

Lines that spoke to me, without further comment:

"Treating yourself like a precious object makes you strong."

"Try approving of yourself just as you are--and spoiling yourself rotten with small kid's pleasures."

"We must attend to what it is our inner guidance is nudging us toward. We cannot afford to worry about what is in or out. If it is too early or too late for a piece of work, its time will come again.... Let the critics spot trends. Let reviewers concern themselves with what is in and what is not. Let us concern ourselves first and foremost with what it is within us that is struggling to be born." (emphasis mine)

"All work is influenced by other work. All people are influenced by other people. No man is an island [but] each of us is our own country, an interesting place to visit. Originality is the process of remaining true to ourselves."

"We forget that not all babies are born beautiful, and so we abort the lives of awkward or unseemly projects that may be our finest work, our best creative ugly ducklings. Be willing to write or paint badly..."

What spoke to YOU this week?

Next week: Recovering a Sense of Autonomy

Check-In: Week Nine

Recovering a Sense of Compassion

"There is only one cure for fear. That cure is love."

To keep my artist safe and strong and happy, to give her encouragement and space to create with wild abandon, I need to love her. But what does that mean?

For me, I think, it means letting go. Letting go of the things on which I expend so much internal energy that I have little left for my art: worry, regret, grief, perfectionism.... "The need to be a great artist makes it hard to be an artist," Cameron says. "The need to produce a great work of art makes it hard to produce any art at all."

Setting impossible goals sets me up for failure. Learning to take baby steps and rewarding myself for them, learning to "play" with my art again, having fun instead of having to produce a perfect finished product, lies at the heart of my creative recovery.

"Being an artist requires enthusiasm more then discipline. Enthusiasm is not an emotional state. It is a spiritual commitment, a loving surrender to our creative process, a loving recognition of all the creativity around us."

I love this idea. Again, it's about remembering that my artist is a child, about giving her permission to play instead of forcing her to produce something. Process as opposed to product. A lesson I need to keep coming back to: my art is process, and the process is supposed to be fun!

"A productive artist is quite often a happy person."

This comment gave me pause. I've sometimes felt that I can never really be a great artist because I haven't suffered enough! I had a happy childhood. It's unfortunate, but there you are...

But when I think about it, my most productive times in terms both of finished creative work and enjoyment of the creative process have been the times I've felt most safe, strong, happy and loved. The times I've been least productive are the times I've been in bad relationships and miserable jobs. Some writers and artists seem most productive when they are working out their angst creatively. Not me. Angst makes me whiny! Walking on eggshells depletes my creative energy. Worry about the future shuts me down. Yes, it's all about fear. (Reminder to self from the work in Week Six: "Art is born in expansion, in a belief in sufficient supply...")

I'm relating to Cameron's thoughts regarding "creative U-turns." I've been traveling along this road toward creative recovery enjoying the insights and inspiration, but reading through my morning pages I'm also aware of distractions and detours from my creative work. I've hung on to worries, regrets, grief, the need for perfection--things that keep me from loving my artist the way she wants to be loved and that keep my artist from expressing herself the way she wants to!

I've become something of a fan of horse racing the last few years, mostly because of an amazing horse named Zenyatta and her jockey, Mike Smith. I really loved Cameron's comparison of my talent to a young and skittish horse I am bringing along: "The horse is very talented but it is also young, nervous, and inexperienced. It will make mistakes, be frightened by obstacles it hasn't seen before. It may even bolt, try to throw you off, feign lameness. Your job, as the creative jockey, is to keep your horse moving forward and to coax it into finishing the course." I have even given my fearful artist a good, racehorse name this week: Genie!

I also liked Cameron's reminder that my artist--my Genie--is a child, prone to sulking, throwing tantrums, holding grudges and harboring irrational fears. I am Genie's parent, guardian, big sister, protector, companion; it falls to me to convince her that it's safe to come out and play.

MORNING PAGES, ARTIST DATES, EXERCISES AND TASKS

I missed another day of morning pages this week, but I did manage to go back and read through all the pages I've written since we began this journey ten weeks ago. It took a long time! The exercise was insightful. It's clear I pretty much know what I want, what I'm afraid of and at least a few small steps I can take to move forward. When things keep cropping up day after day, you know there's something to learn there.

My new artist totem sits on my desk near my computer: a plastic figurine of Wonder Woman (who is really Genie all dressed up for fun!).

I had two wonderful artist dates this week: 1) I had dinner and went to a writers' group with Nancy, one of our fellow TAWers! 2) I had a most unexpectedly lovely day, filled with synchronicity, when my brother came to pick me up while my car had some work done to it. Before he arrived, I walked to a nearby coffee shop and had impromptu conversations with six different people I had interesting things in common with. Then Bill took me on a long drive along Bellingham Bay over Chuckanut Drive, a favorite road our dad used to take us on, through the beautiful Skagit Valley where we saw rows of daffodils starting to bloom and a plethora of newborn calves and kids in the fields with their moms, to a beautiful little town I've always loved called La Conner, where we whiled away a couple of hours in a great independent bookstore sitting in front of the fire and looking at picture books and house books and talking to the owner, who said she must have me come do an event there. Then we had a delicious Thai lunch in Mount Vernon, another sweet little Skagit Valley town, where we're going back tonight for a Leo Kottke acoustic guitar concert. Why is my brother being so nice to me? Because he's a very good brother who knows that next week is the one year anniversary of my partner telling me we didn't have a future together, he's been through the same thing in the past, and he knows how I'm feeling. Oh, and the car? It was actually the ex-partner who tracked down the mechanic for me through his connections, and the cost of repairs was one-third what I'd been told they would be by another mechanic!

As a friend reminded me this week, "Consider the lilies, how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet...Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these." Enthusiasm, not discipline!

And how did your week go?

Next week: Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection

Blog Roll and Website List

Check out the new "TAWER BLOGS & WEBSITES" feature to the left to find out more about the artists with whom you are journeying! Please email me if you'd like to have your website and/or blog added to the list. Thanks to Ginny for this suggestion.

Check-In: Week Eight

Recovering a Sense of Strength

I have to say this chapter didn't really seem to "hang together" for me. I had trouble reconciling the focus in the chapter title, a sense of strength, with the focus of the chapter synopsis, an exploration of my use and perception of time, with the focus of the primary task, taking steps to identify "true north" on my emotional compass. What did I miss? I'll be interested to find out if anyone else felt a disconnect with this week's material or if it was just me!

Survival: I liked Cameron's comments on liberating criticism--the kind that causes us to rethink our work and identify new directions--vs. damaging criticism, which "contains no saving kernel of truth yet has a certain damning plausibility." Any artist who has shared her work has experienced both kinds. My hope is two-fold: that I will be able to differentiate between the two when they come my way and that when I offer criticism myself it will be of the liberating sort.

The Ivory Power: "Creativity cannot be comfortable quantified in intellectual terms." Perhaps part of the reason I didn't connect with a lot of  the material in this chapter is that Cameron seems to do what she tells us NOT to do--intellectualize creativity!

Gain Disguised as Loss: I do like what Cameron says about framing our creative losses as potential gain. Every end is indeed a beginning if we ask ourselves, "How can this loss serve me? Where does it point my work?" The key, she says, is "to act as if a silver lining exists" in every creative loss. I liked her personal story of taking her destiny into her own hands by becoming an independent filmmaker after one too many times having a studio buy a script and then do nothing with it. I liken it to my experiments in self-publishing in light of the current lack of a market for picture books. (I've published two of my romance novellas as ebooks and am working with two illustrators to bring two different picture ebook projects to market.) Like Cameron, I've been asking "How?" instead of "Why me?!" I also liked the stories of a lack of success in one creative area pushing people into expressing their creativity in another form. My brother just installed a brand new work table for me and I'm wondering if it might not be time to get a visual art project going again...

Age and Time: Okay, a little soul-baring here... "I'm too old" and "I'm too young" are both, paradoxically, things my Censor has been telling me this week about my decision to quit the job with the steady paycheck to pursue writing and teaching as a freelancer. Now that I'm nearing retirement age, my Censor says, I'm too old for that--I've GOT to think about where my retirement is going to come from. I'm also too young, he says (yes, my Censor is definitely male) because I'm NOT retired yet--I'm not old and crazy enough (and financially secure enough) to let go of the paycheck in these last years I need to boost my Social Security potential (assuming Social Security even exists in another few years). So the decision that I thought was made seems to be unraveling. Yes, sometimes the job feels unbearably soul-sucking. But is it really that bad? Can I make it work a few more years and still pursue my creative interests, still have a five-year plan that will move me toward my creative goals? I see that I still have some work to do here...

Product and Process: I like the distinction Cameron makes between these two--they are not the same, and as artists we MUST be always in process or we're not growing in our craft. But I do think product is important, too. Yes, we must practice our art for the joy the process brings us, but the product is what communicates our vision and our passion to the world. Without a finished product--or a product as finished as possible--we are only talking to ourselves. That's okay sometimes, but in my opinion it's not enough. Art is meant to be shared.

Filling the Form: Another way to say "small steps." Something I need to remind myself when I feel overwhelmed. (Just realized that's been part of my problem this week--feeling overwhelmed. My "active addiction to anxiety"?) Me to my artist, right now at this moment: "You are doing enough. You are writing your morning pages. You are continuing to clarify your vision. You are making contacts. You are doing research. You are moving forward, even if sometimes only at a crawl. You are a work in progress. You are okay!"

EXERCISES, MORNING PAGES, TASKS

I found through the "Early Patterning" exercise that what I lacked in my early life was a sense of the possible. I did not know people who had made a successful life pursuing their muse. I had wonderful parents and educators who told me I could do anything, but I lacked a mentor to show me how. I think that still gets in my way...

I missed one day of morning pages--the first time since starting TAW in January! I did very few of the tasks this week, and spent less time on the one I did, "The Steps," than I needed to in order to get the information I needed. Perhaps that affected my experience of this week's work, too...

But enough about me--far too much, in fact! What about you? Did you have a more satisfying week than I did?

Next Week: Recovering a Sense of Compassion

Check-In: Week Seven

Recovering a Sense of Connection

Listening

"Art is not about thinking something up. It is about getting something down.... We are the instrument more than the author of our work." 

"Expect the universe to support your dream. It will."

Sometimes we fail to hear the longings of our hearts because we fail to create the quiet necessary to listen. That's what morning pages, artist dates, and TAW exercises and tasks are doing for me--creating quiet, making space, putting up the "Gone Fishing" sign, helping me withdraw from the busy-ness of life to pay attention to the business of Life.

For the first time this week I did one of the visual tasks, or at least the first part of it: tearing through a stack of magazines to collect images reflective of my dreams for my future. (How wonderful to be almost 59 and realize I still have dreams!) I don't yet have the pictures glued down in a collage--they are currently spread out on my kitchen island, and I've been looking at them and thinking about them for several days. The images have led me to ruminate about an old dream and articulate it in my morning pages with a wealth of details that I've never expressed or even thought about before.

Expect the universe to support my dream? That's a tough one; this particular dream excites me because it draws on so many of my strengths and skills and interests, but also frightens me because my Censor tells me it's utterly impossible and how could I be so stupid (or arrogant) as to think I could ever carry it off?!

Which brings us to...

Perfectionism and Risk

"Perfectionism has nothing to do with getting it right.... [It] is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough..."

"The success of a creative recovery hinges on our ability to move out of the head and into action."

"We deny that in order to do something well we must first be willing to do it badly. Instead, we opt for setting our limits at the point where we feel assured of success.... We won't do something unless we can guarantee that we'll do it perfectly."

These two sections hit me hard. I saw myself in every line. I cringed. I felt exposed. I wanted to hurry on to the next section. But writing down twenty things I would try if I didn't have to do them perfectly told me more about myself than any other task or exercise I've done thus far on my current journey through The Artist's Way. I realized how deadening perfectionism and risk aversion have been to my creativity and how many dreams they have kept me from pursuing. "Once we accept that anything worth doing might even be worth doing badly our options widen," Cameron says. Sometimes--often--a risk is worth taking simply for the sake of taking it. Taking risks enlivens us, expands our self-definition, empowers us.

I don't have to start by taking a huge risk. I can start small, taking little risks that lead me in the direction of that larger one, which by the time I get there, having built up to it with smaller risks, may not seem so huge after all. Baby steps--that's all I need!

Jealousy

"Jealousy is always a mask for fear.... [It] strips us of our will to act when action holds the key to our freedom."

There's that word again: action. I loved the Jealousy Map exercise because it really did serve as a map, identifying where I was and where I wanted to go and helping me identify baby-step actions I could take in the direction of my dreams. 

HIGHLIGHTS FOR ME LAST WEEK: 

Exercises
"If I didn't have to do it perfectly, I would try..."
The Jealousy Map 

Tasks
Lying down in the middle of the day in a darkened room to listen to Debussy
My "Dream" Collage 

Morning Pages
Letting go of some current anger
Clarifying and articulating an old dream 

Artist Dates
An hour at the library looking for early readers to prepare for a writing project
An afternoon reading them aloud to my 92-year-old mom and laughing over them together! 

What about you?

NOTE: I believe I've figured out, with Linda's help, how to get everyone's comments into your email inbox when they are posted so you can read and respond to them without having to sift through all the Platform 9-3/4 blog posts to find them. In order to do so, I need each of you to email me at bhicksgvv(at)att(dot)net from your preferred email address with "TAW Address" in the subject line--no message required.

Next Week: Recovering a Sense of Strength
 

Mid-Week Check-In, Week Six

First, I'm looking into a way to make everyone's comments more accessible to everyone on a more timely basis. Thanks, Linda, for the idea and info--and I'll keep you all posted.

In the meantime, in a week when we focused on the idea of abundance in our lives, these have been some highlights:

Kay and Ginny both had interesting family-of-origin issues come up.

Pam, Linda and Jenn all used their morning pages to vent feelings "better left unsaid." Jenn likened her MP-3's to a compost bin: "You put this useless stuff inside, leave it there for awhile, and like magic, a fresh product is produced that promotes new life."

Jenn also gave her blog a facelift last week. Check it out at Scribbles From Jenn. And check out Linda's fun and funny drawing of her Censor on her Sketched Out blog.

Best story of nature's abundance last week: Maria spotted three orca whales cavorting off her local beach. Best story of commercial abundance: Maria again--she found the perfect fork at IKEA. (Is that a great place for an artist date or what?!)

Ann found a wonderful Native American quote last week: "Wisdom comes when you start living the life the Creator intended for you." She and her husband have been doing that, joyfully, for seven years, living full time in an RV and traveling to different parts of the country, working at campgrounds to earn their keep. Ann chronicles their journeys in words and gorgeous pictures on her Pilgrim's Journey blog.

Stephanie took her daughter AND her artist to hear her favorite poet speak. She also hung new curtains. And she was not surprised when a pink octopus found its way back into her work in progress...

Nancy articulated a dream to travel in Italy and paint. (Can you think of a more perfect place for painting?!) She also told two great stories: one about her mom, who was a "serious rock gal," and one about driving in Seattle.

Margie took her artist on a date to find a new journal, having completely filled her first one with morning pages. She also shared two resources: a TED talk, Stroke of Insight, and a book by Parker Palmer called Let Your Life Speak. "We have places of fear inside of us, but we have other places as well--places with names like trust and hope and faith..."

Janis was sick last week and didn't meet her TAW goals--but she's not giving up! Hope this week is going better, Jan.

Linda reported that Week Six is where she's gone AWOL from TAW in the past--but this time she shouldered through, even breaking the piggy bank to take her artist on a date! She also commented on everyone else's check-ins, so see what she had to say about yours. :-)

If you haven't yet checked in for Week Six, please do.

I've shared links to three TAWers' blogs today--anybody else want to share a link to your blog or website? (My own websites are www.barbarajeanhicks.com and www.class-act-creative.com.) It would be lovely to visit your online home!

Check-In: Week Six

Recovering a Sense of Abundance

The Great Creator

"The Creator did not know when to stop. There is not one pink flower, or even fifty pink flowers, but hundreds. Snowflakes, of course, are the ultimate exercise in sheer creative glee. No two alike. This creator looks suspiciously like someone who just might send us support for our creative ventures."

I love the idea of God's "sheer creative glee." The image springs to life in my mind: a great creative being, laughing uproariously, spinning, flinging an arm out like a wizard with a wand, hurling stars and worlds and living beings like sparks of light across the dark universe.

I found a beach this week I remember from my childhood. I gathered stones: a smooth white stone, perfect for "worrying" in my pocket, a jet-black stone worn smooth by the waves, a rose-colored stone with a peach stripe running round it, a rough-textured speckled stone, a green stone shaped like a heart. I found them all within easy reach as I sat on a log and watched the sun go down behind the misty San Juan Islands in the distance. My heart expanded.

And there are purple crocus blooming just outside my office window! The abundance of the world is mine--the wonder--but only when I take the time to stop and look.

Luxury

"Art is born in expansion, in a belief in sufficient supply..."

I gave my artist flowers this week--a pot of beautiful, deep rose miniature calla lilies I have sitting in front of a mirror near the desk where I work so their beauty is doubled. I gave my artist flowers for Valentine's Day!

Or was it my artist who gave them to me?

Counting

"Often our spending differs from our real values. We fritter away cash on things we don't cherish and deny ourselves those things we do."

I've never been one to fritter my money away--quite the opposite, as those of you who know me well can attest! Because I was thinking about the concepts in this chapter, I spent more this week than I normally do--but I was also more intentional in my spending. I purchased a mini-trampoline, something I've wanted since reading that using one could be helpful in preventing and even reversing osteoporosis. (That was months ago.) And I bought a new pole lamp for my living room with a reading light attached. (My old one stopped working weeks ago!) And I bought myself those calla lilies because they feed my soul...

Money Madness

"If I could afford it..."

I'd quit my job. How could a God as creative as the one I know want me to spend my life "making a living" in drudgery instead of "making a life" in sheer creative glee?

I've taken the risk at times in the past of quitting jobs that fed the body bit not the soul. So much synchronicity this week that seems to be leading me to that place again.... One very wonderful thing that happened this week was receiving an unexpected royalty check and payment for two freelance editing jobs that added up to more than my best month's paycheck from the job! And my 92-year-old mom, who doesn't remember things that happened and sometimes seems to remember things that DIDN'T happen, told me out of the blue about once quitting a job because she "just couldn't work for that man." As far as I know, this is not something that ever happened. Why would she say such a thing? Why now?

So the decision is made. Only the timing is still in question. Am I afraid? You bet I am!

MORNING PAGES, ARTIST DATES, EXERCISES AND TASKS

Morning pages are the one thing I've been completely consistent with. I haven't missed a morning since I started on January 3rd. They continue to be an incredibly powerful clarifying tool. "Money Madness" showed me where I've grown in my relationship to money and where I still need to grow. And you've already heard about my rich experience with Natural Abundance and my unexpected windfall. Again, why now? Is intentionality really that powerful? Very exciting!

What about you? Tell us about your experience with abundance this week. I hope you discovered resources you didn't realize you had. :-)

Mid-Week Check-In #2, Week Five

Somehow a comment got lost in space this week! Not seeing her name in the summary, Margie re-posted this morning, so make sure to catch up with her. (She had an "after-the-fact" artist date with her "Daughter-in-Love"--wonderful!--and muses about plateaus. Do we fear getting too close to the edge and seeing something we're not ready to see? Could we even lose our balance and fall off--looking silly in the process? Oh, the horror!)

So Margie, your words are there at the end of the Week Five comment section now. Thanks for persisting!

Mid-Week Check-In, Week Five

Here we are mid-week again! If you haven’t had a chance to post or respond to your fellow TAWers, now’s the time. A few highlights for me:

Pam is learning to protect herself from people who are drains on her creative energy. Stephanie too!

Stephanie also shares three great examples of synchronicity in her life last week—one involving a cat named Minnie. (Anything with a cat gets my immediate and undivided attention!)

Ginny reminds us of the Albert Einstein quote: "There are two ways to live your life; one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle."

Linda is using her morning pages, in part, as a gratefulness journal—a powerful tool I’ve used in the past to remind myself of that Einstein quote above. She also had some significant insights about projecting self-anger on others around her.

topangamaria got unexpected, “miraculous” support from her intimidating doctor after standing up to him. Way to be brave!

Janis, who has been telling us from the beginning she’s not really an artist (although she creates wonderful things in the kitchen and plays guitar) signed up for a watercolor class. Yay!

Dianne has been practicing a “no excuses” mantra to carve out time every day for her creative endeavors. She believes, along with Linda, that the group format we’re using for TAW is opening doors for her in ways that going through the book on her own in the past did not do.

June took morning pictures in her neighborhood—like a tourist in her own town. (Love that idea!) She also spoke of approaching TAW this time with “contemplation and intention” and what a difference that’s making.

There’s been a lot more conversation between y’all this week—I love it. June, we’ll figure out a format to make it easier to do that next time. (Next time? Hmm…) Thanks to all for sharing your insights and your lives. I'll be interested to hear about your experiences around abundance next week. I know I’ll have some interesting things to share!

Check-In: Week Five

Recovering a Sense of Possibility

"God is unlimited in supply. Receiving God's good [is] an act of worship--cooperating with God's plan to manifest goodness in our lives. God is our source, an energy flow that likes to extend itself."

What limits have you placed on yourself?

It was something of a revelation to me this week that the limits I place on myself and what I have the ability to accomplish are actually limits I place on God. If I truly believe that creativity is a spiritual issue, that there is a source of creative power outside myself that I can tap into, and that God desires me to experience creative abundance in my life, then all those things I've told myself I would never have as an artist are things I can have--if I open myself to the possibility of having them.

"Dependence on the creator within is really freedom from all other dependencies.... We are learning to give up idolatry--the worshipful dependency on any person, place or thing. Instead, we place our dependency on the source itself. The source meets our needs through people, places, and things." (emphasis mine)

On whom do you depend?

The affirmation I came up with last week has been my mantra this week: I am my own promised land. I am believing it more and more, even if I'm not completely there yet! I know I have the resources in my own character and in my connection to God to live creatively, to experience what I long to experience, to have the things I most desire in order to serve out my purpose in this world. No one else can do those things for me--and releasing my anger at those I've depended on in the past who failed to "come through" for me has re-energized me to move forward on my own.

"An artist must have downtime, time to do nothing. An artist requires the upkeep of creative solitude. An artist requires the healing of time alone.... We strive to be good, to be nice, to be helpful, to be unselfish. We want to be generous, of service, of the world. But what we really want is to be left alone."

Have you found ways to "fill the well" while letting go of guilt that you are being selfish in the process?

What Cameron calls the Virtue Trap is a tough one for me. This Saturday morning is really the first time all week I've been alone--and it feels so liberating! I love my family and friends, I love feeling needed, I love knowing I'm helping to lighten the burdens of the people I love--but I have so much less to give to anyone else when I have not spent time with ME, alone.

MORNING PAGES, ARTIST DATES, EXERCISES AND TASKS

Morning pages continue to be incredibly clarifying for me. As to my artist date, I took a page from several fellow TAWers this week and hand-made valentines! Very enjoyable. As for the exercises in this chapter, I found great insight in listing the things I'd love to do but am not allowed to do, especially when I came to the realization that it is myself alone who is not allowing me to do them.... And tasks? I find that I explore many of the issues in the task section of each chapter in my morning pages but don't take the time to explore them in the hands-on ways Cameron suggests. I'd like to make sure I do something more with the Week Six tasks.

What about you? How did you do with morning pages, artist dates, exercises and tasks? What have you discovered about the limits you've been placing on yourself? Who or what have you depended on in ways that have inhibited your own growth? What tips do you have to help the rest of us free ourselves from the Virtue Trap? Let us continue to inspire and celebrate each other!

Next week: Recovering a Sense of Abundance

Daily Check-In #1, Week Four Comments

If you haven't already, check out the comments from Ann, Nancy, Janis, June, Pam, Margie, Stephanie, topangamaria and Linda on the Week Four Check-In post. Some of you have still been having problems finding the comment section to keep up with the other participants. If you go to the Blog Archive on the left, just under the "About Me" section, you can click on the Week Four Check-In link to get to the right place to post, read and respond. You can also go back to Week Three, Week Two and Week One posts to find previous comments. Still looking forward to posts from the TAWers who haven't yet responded, even if just a sentence or two! You all inspire me.

Check-In: Week Four

Recovering a Sense of Integrity

It's 10:00 p.m. on Friday, I've been away all week, I catch a train at 7:00 Saturday morning and a plane at 11:20, I had an emotionally intense day (and not in a good way!), and I got four hours of sleep last night--so this will be short and sweet and you will have to fill in for me--which you all have been doing so beautifully. I so appreciate the participation, honesty and efforts of this group.

And those are my real feelings, not my official ones!

My morning pages brought up two issues that I have not been dealing with honestly. This week I dealt with both. It was not easy. I am exhausted. Next week I MUST focus on self-care.

I did not find or make time for an artist date let alone an artist weekend (and boy, do I feel like I need one!). I did make six lists of five fun ideas each: hobbies, classes, things I would never do, skills, things I used to enjoy, things I'd like to try once.

And I very much enjoyed describing my ideal environment, which includes lots of light, the scent of jasmine and orange blossoms, a fireplace and a purring cat. :-)

Reading Deprivation: I read mail, email, TAW and work-related documents. I didn't watch TV. I had little time for mindless anything and wished I had! Depriving myself of reading for pleasure and my favorite TV shows did not inspire any play, unfortunately--I just couldn't seem to find or make the time, and the nature of my spiritual work this week was not conducive to play either. Next week. I need to laugh!

How 'bout you all?

Daily Check-In #3, Week Three Comments

If you haven't checked lately, there are some powerful new comments in the last two days from Ginny, Jenn and Dianne after the Check-In: Week Three post.

If you're having trouble finding the posts where you can read and respond to new comments, here's the drill: after you read a daily check-in such as this one, set your browser to go to www.barbarajeanhicks.blogspot.com--without any additional parts to the address. That takes you to all the posts in the blog instead of just to the particular post you're reading--again, like this one. Then simply scroll down to the appropriate post--it will always be a Check In: Week [Number] post with an image identifying the week and chapter title.

I'm sorry it's been difficult for some of you to locate the comments--it took me a while to understand why you were having trouble, and I think these instructions should help. I hope so!

Daily Check-In #2, Week Three Comments

More great comments from Nancy and Stephanie today...

Daily Check-In #1, Week Three Comments

Are you reading this, or have you decided to be very strict about Reading Deprivation this week? Janis, feeling challenged by the idea, asked me to comment on that aspect of the coming week's TAW experience. In fact, I have a friend who stopped working on The Artist's Way years ago and never picked it up again because she got so angry about this assignment. "I'm a teacher. I can't go a week without reading!" she said.

I'm a teacher too, and today is the first day of the new term, and I can't go without reading, either. But I'm not going to get mad at Cameron and give up on the rest of the experience, because it's valuable to me in so many ways even if I do't do everything exactly "right." That being said--I HAVE been in a position where I could give up reading for a week, and Reading Deprivation IS a powerful tool. You will be astounded at how much creative work you get done when you're not anesthetizing yourself with reading.

That, to me, is the key. I think Cameron is speaking here of reading that anesthetizes. Reading to escape one's life instead of meeting it head on. Reading to avoid being creative. All reading doesn't fit into that category--and, in fact, watching television and endlessly checking personal email both fit much MORE into that category for me.

Cameron's suggestion isn't a law you have to obey. But whatever you can do this week to replace mindless escape with creative work, do it. I'll be interested to hear next week if it increases your productivity.

And if you're up to at least reading notes from your fellow TAWers, you'll find comments from Kay, Margie, Pam, Ann, topangamaria, June, Liz and Janis under the Check-In for Week Three.

Check-In: Week Three

Recovering a Sense of Power

ANGER

"Anger is meant to be listened to [and] acted upon. It is not the action itself. It is action's invitation.... It will always tell us when we have been betrayed. It will always tell us when we have betrayed ourselves. It will always tell us that it is time to act in our own best interests."

Anger is a powerful motivator. Did anything come up for you this week that "pointed the way" for you, that made you aware of action you needed to take? Did you act in your own best interests to take a step that you needed to take?

SYNCHRONICITY

"We all have dark and romantic notions that call to our deepest selves. When we answer that call, when we commit to it, we set in motion the principle that C.G. Jung called synchronicity.... a phenomenon that some of us prefer to ignore: the possibility of an intelligent and responsive universe, acting and reacting in our interests." 

Linda shared a great story about shopping synchronicity last week, and Pam told us about meeting up with an old acquaintance who just might help her get a manuscript published. Did anyone "take a small step in the direction of a dream" this week and experience a "synchronous door" flying open? Or were you reminded of any of the "thousand unseen helping hands," in Joseph Campbell's words, that have helped you along the way in your creative life?

CRITICISM AND SHAME

"Many artists begin a piece of work, get along well in it, and then find, as they near completion, that the work seems mysteriously drained of merit. It's no longer worth the trouble."

I had an experience this week, while working on revisions for a manuscript, of feeling that it just wasn't any good and I should forget about doing any more work on it and chuck it. Then I remembered a critique of the story that came from an editor in a face-to-face group setting. Her words about it were blunt, flippant and not at all useful in producing an "aha!" moment that might have helped me see my work in a new light and point me in a new direction for revisions. I still remember how embarrassed I felt. I wondered if my story really was unworthy, or if I was letting that editor's assessment color my own. My answer to myself is that if the story is true to me and my experience and the sharing of it brings me joy, it's worthy--even if no one wants to publish it.

Anyone else ever had a shaming experience from a critic that rocked your confidence?

GROWTH AND SELF-CARE

"As a creative being, you will be more productive when coaxed than when bullied.... Practice being kind to yourself in small, concrete ways.... If you do one nice thing a day for yourself, God will do two more."

It's been a stressful week for me, a lot of things converging to make me feel overwhelmed. I've felt particularly unproductive creatively. AND, it's come up in my morning pages this week that I'm not doing well at self-care--at a time when I most need it! Related to my unproductivity? I can't help but think...

How are you doing at self-care? Do you find that you are more productive when you're taking care of yourself?

MORNING PAGES: Are you finding them helpful?

ARTIST DATE: Are you doing a good job of romancing your inner artist?

WEEK THREE TASKS: Did you find that any of last week's tasks brought significant insights to your creative life?

If you can make the time, check back this week after you've posted your own comment to respond to others' Week 3 experience and to see if someone has responded to yours. There's more of that going on lately. Start a conversation!

Next week's assignment: Week 4, Recovering a Sense of Integrity

Daily Check-In #4, Week Two Comments

One last Check-In yesterday for the week from Linda--who also commented on everyone else's posts! I'm happy to see the give and take of conversation beginning to happen here.

New Check-In post tomorrow. Have a great day today--look for synchronicity!

Daily Check-In #3, Week Two Comments

One more weekly check-in, from Nancy. She says she keeps thinking about dropping out, so if you're finding your journey through The Artist's Way a positive experience for your creative life, maybe a word of encouragement would be apropos....

Hope the week is going well for you all. Are you listening to your anger? Experiencing synchronicity? Discovering any secret shame? Or is it proving to be a sluggish week, a setback in your creative recovery?