And those are my real feelings, not my official ones!
My morning pages brought up two issues that I have not been dealing with honestly. This week I dealt with both. It was not easy. I am exhausted. Next week I MUST focus on self-care.
I did not find or make time for an artist date let alone an artist weekend (and boy, do I feel like I need one!). I did make six lists of five fun ideas each: hobbies, classes, things I would never do, skills, things I used to enjoy, things I'd like to try once.
And I very much enjoyed describing my ideal environment, which includes lots of light, the scent of jasmine and orange blossoms, a fireplace and a purring cat. :-)
Reading Deprivation: I read mail, email, TAW and work-related documents. I didn't watch TV. I had little time for mindless anything and wished I had! Depriving myself of reading for pleasure and my favorite TV shows did not inspire any play, unfortunately--I just couldn't seem to find or make the time, and the nature of my spiritual work this week was not conducive to play either. Next week. I need to laugh!
How 'bout you all?
Cousin Barb, I'm so sorry your week was less than pleasant. I know it was a growing time for you, though. Sometimes I think those hard times make the good times just that much better. Growth can be painful but the rewards are greater! May God bless you and give a wonderful week! Thanks for your inspiration for us all!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ann. It's amazing how a good night's sleep and a good cry can help one's perspective. I spent my time on the train and plane this morning reading the chapter for Week Five (Recovering a Sense of Possibility)and doing some of the exercises, and I can already tell it's going to be a much more pleasant and relaxing week. I'm looking forward to treating my Artist especially well. :-)
DeleteYes, Week 5 is proving to be much more pleasant than Week 4. Barbara, I am glad to hear your week is more relaxing. You DO deserve to treat yourself well. I will follow in your footsteps as you have proven to be a wise woman.
DeleteHi Everyone,
ReplyDeleteI missed one day of morning pages but here I am back again today.
It's hard to put into words how things have changed for me. But the way I felt and responded to incidents in my life this past week have felt much better and the Morning Pages have opened up that part of me. I feel more confident in what I do or say or feel, after careful thought, is being true to me.
Reading deprivation was not fun! I had to return a library book and Oh,my. It was like the afternoon I needed to go to a grocery store and hadn't eaten all
day because I was having surgery later that afternoon.
I thought: What on earth am I doing in this place?
Well, I survived with only a little cheating, I looked at picture books and only read a little at night to put me to sleep. zzzzzz
Describing my ideal environment was fun and made me realize and re-appreciate where I live now.
I had been so caught up with daily tasks that I think I forgot to really look at the mountains and the water and the birds and the ducks... When the sun shone so beautifully the past couple of days, I remembered how I felt when we first moved out to the beach. Joy and awe! So I hope to continue to stop and enjoy the scene out my window as I do my daily jobs. I think our Creator gave us those things to make us smile.
AS for my list of things I want to do, if I had some time, I would love to relearn how to knit.
Thanks Barb for starting us on this journey.
You're welcome--and may I come look out your window sometime?! Actually, one thing I've been wanting to do is drive out to Birch Bay and walk on the beach because it's a favorite remembered place from my childhood. I think my Artist would really enjoy that.
DeleteI've gone to the beach twice this week, and I hadn't been in months even though it's minutes away. It's always a spirit lifter.
DeleteYes, Barb, thanks for getting this together for us. I never would have embarked on this by myself, but I am enjoying the ride!
ReplyDeleteI, too, made all my lists and described my ideal environment (rustic cabin in the woods, wood heat, etc.), but that is it as far as tasks this week. I did my MP everyday (yay!), and the closest thing I got to an artist's date was frosting Valentine cookies. (It was one of those weeks here, too, but nothing like you had, Barbie.)
Thanks to all of you who are in this with me, who keep me inspired!
Good for you for doing your morning pages every day! I truly am finding them enlightening. I'm sort of dreading Valentine's Day this year--maybe I need to send a valentine to my Artist this week, or dress up and take myself out to dinner and a movie...
DeleteOr maybe that would just be depressing. Hmm. I'll have to think about it.
I buy myself little treats to get through
Deletedifficult holidays, and bake a special little something and make sure there's a movie I want to see in the house to watch.
Secrets now revealed!
Barbara- hope you have a better week ahead of you :-).
ReplyDeleteI am really enjoying this rediscovering parts of myself that have been buried amid the clutter of my life. I did the morning pages every day except for yesterday when my first page was interupted by a phone call from my nearly 97 year old father. Rather than be annoyed at the interuption, I was grateful to have a somewhat healthy, coherent parent at such any advanced age. So I missed 2 more pages. Over the weeks, I find my self more relaxed about things in a way.
My artist's date was collaging my latest journal. I like to personalize my notebooks with pictures, phrases, rubber stamps, stickers, etc. I also had a wonderful lunch with a favorite poet, children's author friend who I hadn't seen in two years. That felt like an artist's date. While we're on the artist topic, last night I saw The Artist. Fantastic movie! I would call everyone who made that movie happen, especially the writer/director, brave and audacious. To make a silent, black and white movie in the 21st century that resonates with audiences is amazing.
I did not go on a reading fast. I might have read more but it has helped me focus on the a new plot line for my middle grade work in progress. I did try to be aware of wasting time on line. I made all the lists and had better take some secret desire classes soon i.e. tap dancing. I pasted photos of my ideal environment and season on and in my journal. My dream house is a beach cottage but I would settle for a house not far from the shore that had an ocean view. Living in Southern California, I frankly cannot imagine this in my near future!!
On to Week 5!! So thankful to be taking this journey...
June, you've mentioned collaging a couple times. I remember enjoying doing that so much in the past--something I should revisit with my Artist, I think! As mostly a writer with dreams of creating visual arts, I've been resisting that for some reason. Perhaps collaging my dreams would be a good first step...
DeleteBarb --
ReplyDeleteI agree, tears can be a super tonic.
Regarding valentine's day: Create a super valentine with words, colored paper, lace doilies, paper engineering spirals, and stuff! Put it in the microwave before bed and find it in the morning.
Sure, dress up. Wear all the make-up and doo-dads you can find, but don't go to dinner and a movie. Instead: go play miniature golf or some other nutty fun thing.
Pam
Here's my check-in
I skipped two days of morning pages because before I even finished my first visit to the bathroom, words for the manuscript I need to write for a deadline this month were pouring out of my brain. That time felt successful.
Reading deprivation: couldn't do that this week because I had previously assigned this week as the week to read my NaNoWriMo -- a 50,000 word novel challenge I did in November. AND I'm going to use it for the SCBWI manuscript critique mentioned above. The 15 page submission has now had parts lifted from the NaNo effort, drafted, and has had its first revision.
So far, it looks like I've got a strong first page, but it may have a subject matter that won't work for kids. But that's what I'm asking the critique person in the cover letter.
These conference critiques require 15 pages from novels, a synopsis and cover letter and I'll tell you, each has its challenges.
I have set a different week for reading deprivation.
Artist date -- This could get expensive. I bought some frame parts, a frame and a mat for one completed work and one I'm about to start.
Synchronicity -- I found a passage in a novel I'm reading regarding the urge to rescue which can generate aggravation when the rescuee (sp - a real word?) creates their own problems. This gave me a chance to work through a combination of grief, relief, and the realization that I can't change another person's behavior even though I help raise her for 9 years.
Other issues I discovered I could do: deciding that if others don't follow on a timely basis to plan an event, I can decide I don't have to be involved. That means I'll let someone else do it, or just cancel it -- nothing is set in stone at this time. If we ALL could have gotten our act together by the end of January, I know that a relatively complicated golf tournament and social it would work. BUT with a mss submission deadline looming and the need to register and decide paintings for an art show before the end of the month AND a week's trip, I don't need to pick up and carry the ball which others drop.
Conclusion: I don't need anyone to needlessly use up my time!
Thanks for helping me work through this stuff.
Pam W
I think it's proving a great place--if not directly here, then in our morning pages--for ALL of us to work through our "stuff"! I know that is certainly true for me. I started this group to help keep myself accountable, and I'm so glad I did. It's a great place for support.
DeleteIt's a joy to read all the comments here and also from Week Three. It makes me feel inspired, connected, motivated, encouraged, and hopeful for all of us. I will post an update tonight.
ReplyDeleteHi All,
ReplyDeleteChecking in .....
First off --- sending hugs to you Barbara along with the hope that this week has started off softer and kinder than the last one. Please be extra good to yourself and wrap yourself in the gratitude that so many are sending for this wonderful place you have created for us to journey together, to explore, and to grow.
For me, this past week was similar to the one before as far as the TAW journey goes - no big A-HAs, but kind of a slow, steady trudge. Did my MPs five times again. They are full of good stuff, I think. I loved Nancy's comment about growing more confident. That is so much of this work for me, it seems. The fleshing out that comes through the MPs seems to be very supportive of that. Almost designed to build one's confidence. Are others experiencing that or do you have another take?
My Artist's Date happened - but without much flourish or real high about it. I finished some home-made Valentines I will send to family and friends. Still need to work on making my A-DATE more intentional and fulfilling. And since I mentioned VALENTINES..... I think it is important to shift the shape of Valentines Day - away from romantic love - or at the very least to broaden it a big bit. There are so many kinds of love!
Reading deprivation - oh my. Did ONE day of it - Saturday. Planned to do Sunday too, but I didn't feel good so just wanted to curl up with a book. And I was reading Parker Palmer's LET YOUR LIFE SPEAK so figured it ties in so much with the TAW journey that it was fine. :) I did find that on Sat when I did not allow myself to sit down and read, I got a project done that I probably wouldn't have had I picked up the reading. So all in all, I will keep trying it here and there because I do embrace the idea behind it.
Just got to some of the exercises from Week Four this morning. Enjoyed the letter to self from my 8 yr old self and my 80 yr old self. Both had a similar bent when it came to doing what you love and not worrying about what others think. Hmmmmm.
Off to READ Ch 5. TaTa
Margie
I love that you made valentines for your Artist Date, and I love what you've said about shape-shifting Valentine's Day. Love should be celebrated in all its forms!
DeleteI agree with you, Barbie, that love should be celebrated. So another thought about Valentine's Day:
DeleteMy kids grew up thinking that Valentine's Day was a family holiday. It wasn't until my two oldest went off to college that they learned that most folks think of it as a lovers holiday. But we have always made a big deal of it as a family, in addition to doing for others. So something you might consider this year is to do something special for others in your life. Reach out to your family, older folks in a nursing home, neighbors, etc. Fill your Valentine's Day with love with and for others. It always works for us. :)
Love you!
I love your VAlentines interpretation
DeleteHi, y'all.
ReplyDeleteRegarding confidence, mentioned by Nancy and Margie, I have noticed something similar -- that more things seem possible that did not seem do-able a month ago.
Regarding anger, mentioned here and last week, I have been less angry since starting TAW, which I attribute to the relief I feel that I'm actually doing something to improve my creative life. That's no guarantee, of course, that I won't have some anger catch up with me in the coming weeks. But for now: relief, breathing out.
Regarding synchronicity, didn't someone last week have a dead car battery and something serendipitous? The same thing happened to me this week (really to my husband, but I was the one having to rescue him and was saved from a lot of hassle and driving in Dallas which would have caused me to miss a gathering with a few old friends). There was more synchronicity, but it escapes me at this time of evening.
I improved my morning pages count by one day -- up to four. It felt good.
The no-reading thing: I did it all week, with some cheating on emails and Facebook. It made me realize how much time I could use in a better way. I survived without reading the newspaper everyday, and my mornings were smoother and more enjoyable because of it. I even cooked my 13 year old breakfast one schoolday last week, which was a Major Event to her. I also got a bit more writing done during the day.
For my artist date, I counted a trip to the hardware store followed by a few hours at home alone attaching hardware to my kitchen cabinets to make them stay properly closed. So dull and not very artistic, but SO satisfying because those darned cabinets have been bugging me since we moved into this house in August, and I was so happy with myself for finally fixing them. But I aspire to something more artistic this week.
I really enjoyed doing the tasks/questions this week. The artist prayer was one of my favorites, and I wrote mine down several times this week in my notebook. This morning I found myself criticizing that very prayer, thinking it sounded too hokey or formal or something. Bad, bad inner critic! But at least I caught her red-handed.
I'm eager to continue reading over everyone's comments and the ones to come ... and to get started on Week Five! Happy Monday to all.
xo
Love your insights and your humor, Stephanie. What do you write?
DeleteIt's interesting that you've been LESS angry since starting TAW, Stephanie--I've been MORE angry! It's a part of myself I don't readily acknowledge, so being authentic in my anger was an important if disquieting experience for me last week.
DeleteI didn't write a prayer, but I wrote out a new affirmation from the chapter that feels really important to me right now: "I am my own promised land. I am a new and exciting frontier!" I'm not sure that I believe it yet, but I'm working on it!
Hi, Margie. I write mostly children's fiction and am also working on a nonfiction picture book right now. And I write poetry. I've also been trying to build up some small online articles here and there for $$ -- without shame, thanks to TAW. How about you?
ReplyDeleteThis is what a techno idiot I am. I couldn't find the
ReplyDeletecheck in for week 4 because I was back in January.
Oh well. Got here eventually.
I did not do the reading deprivation. Hoping to down the road a bit. Still haven't cleared all the room debris either, but making progress.
I did get my entry in for the SCBWILA conference contest. Fingers crossed! And did the morning 3 every day, not always in the morning, and did do all the writing excercises. It is opening my eyes to my bad habits and desires on changing priorities, but also embracing my imperfections.
If you hit the refresh button every time you go to www.barbarajeanhicks.blogspot.com, you'll find the most recent post at the top. You have to make sure the address contains no additional information--like "/2012/02/check-in-week-four.html?showComment=1328724201731#c2166421051501245493."
DeleteYou can also go to the Blog Archive on the left side of the blog, directly under the "About Me" section, and click on the appropriate post--they are listed in reverse chronological order, so the newest is always at the top.
Sorry it's been so difficult to end up where you want to be!
Before checking in, I just want to say Barb, I really hope this week has been filled with fun and play, or at least some part of it was!
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to let Pam know that I appreciate her response to my very late update for last week. I needed that advice!
So, I felt much more at ease this week, even though I was playing a bit of catch up. Week 4 and 5 sort of got blended. But it's working out quite well.
I missed one day of MP's but didn't beat myself up about it for a change. Life happens. But I tell you, the days I do them, I am able to work through issues more easily. I feel my personal relationships have even taken on a much lighter tone now that I have me, myself and I have to process things with.
For me, lately, time to read is so scarce that reading deprivation is pretty much status quo. So I decided to up the ante and add T.V. and my beloved NPR podcasts (what I listen to when working out or driving,) to the list of deprivation. Wow! So much harder than I thought it would be, but did it ever pay off! Without reading or T.V. I found myself getting more creative in the kitchen, getting out for more walks and having long wine induced chat sessions with my hubby. Also while driving without podcasts I listened to music (something I've been strangely depriving myself of lately) and found myself getting in touch with a part of me, I actually didn't even notice had been gone for a while. I like that part of me! She's fun!
My artist date didn't turn out quite the way I had planned, but in the end it was very sweet. When I walked into the comic book store I had been meaning to visit, it not only had a very meager supply of graphic novels, but the room was filled with teenage fan-boys. Feeling a tad out of place and suddenly more middle-aged than ever, I quickly left and ducked into the cupcake shop next door. Greeting me there was what seemed like hundreds of sixties-icon-themed cupcakes. Super cute and delicious. I was in heaven. So, uh, needless to say, it worked out.
Speaking of food, there was a teensy bit of synchronicity with regard to allowing ourselves some childhood favorites. At the super bowl party I went to there was a big bowl of BBQ potato chips. Wow! I loved those when I was a kid. I indulged myself (I usually avoid any kind of potato chip like the plague) and found myself giggling and filled with impish glee. Turns out, my artist likes BBQ potato chips.
Oh, and speaking of synchronicity, one day last week, in my MP's I allowed myself to wish and feel like I deserved to work a little less hard and make a little more money. The very next day I got an email from one of my clients wanting me to do a different sort of e-book that pays twice the amount. That allowed me turn down another very low paying project. It felt like magic!
This was a great week and I have a lot more to say about it, but I can see your eyes are starting to glaze over from all my chatter, hee hee! So I'll let someone else have the floor for now.
On to the next week!
Love how your Artist Date turned out, Linda--sweet in more ways than one!
DeleteMusic deprivation is a terrible thing! I've been listening to classical music in the car and attending video broadcasts of several operas from the NY Met the last few months--tomorrow night is an encore of Enchanted Island, which I missed during the snowstorm here. It won't be a date with my artist alone, my sister will be with me, but this afternoon I'm planning a walk-around in a place I've been wanting to explore, so I'm looking forward to that, too. Anyway--classical music was not my ex-partner's cup of tea although we did enjoy other kinds of music together, so it's been lovely rediscovering an old love for myself.
I'm glad you had such a great week!
I want to touch in here before the week is over... I don't have a lot to report! My MP3's were spotty and no artist date yet in sight. BUT... I had a great week. I'm working toward a gallery opening the beginning of May, so I'm painting away - focusing on that goal. I've had to stretch my self with different size paintings and I'm getting some fun results!
ReplyDeleteI'm listening to some webinars and continue to keep in mind "being my authentic self" and dropping my old stories of "who I am" and "what is"... dropping those old stories to allow room for what is coming!! Goes along with de-cluttering, which I am still working on in my house and in the studio. I've read each entry and enjoy hearing from you all... it's inspiring!!
Hopefully, I'll be more on task next week with TAW.
Blessings to each of you,
Ginny
In retrospect, I should have taken the warning at the beginning of Week 4: “This may be both very difficult and extremely exciting for you,” a bit more seriously, because Week 4 was both difficult and exciting.
ReplyDeleteDifficult in that I did not manage to meet my writing goals, possibly because I only set them in my head and not on paper. Exciting because I attended the debut book singing of my former schmooze coordinator Sara Wilson Etienne, and seeing her finally cross the finish line gave me hope that I could too. It was a wonderful Artist’s Date listening to her success story surrounded by other authors and shelves and shelves of books at Children’s Book World in Santa Monica.
I did manage to write my MP-3’s everyday during Week 4. A couple of days they were MP-2’s but I got something on the page every day. I am finding a bit of irony in writing the MP-3’s. The more consistent I am in writing them, the better my days are. The better my days are, the less consistent I am in writing them. I like better days, so I guess I will have to learn to like consistency. Not only in my MP-3’s but also in ALL my writing.
Although I did carve out some time for a date with my Artist, I did not plan an extended vacation just for me. However, I like the thought of it and will look for an opportunity to do that in the future.
Synchronicity chose not to visit me this week, but I will continue to search her out knowing she makes me laugh aloud each time I find her.
I am sure Ms. Cameron is correct in her assessment in the benefits of a week of Reading Deprivation, but this was not the right week for me. I will mull that idea around in my head and implement it when it is fully developed.
As Ms. Cameron predicted, I spent some time crying and laughing this week. However, I took comfort in her analogy of me as the accident victim, whose old life has crashed and burned, and whose new life is not yet apparent. I must rejoice in the fact that I survived the crash and remind myself to keep walking. As this journey progresses, I continue to peel away layers of myself, peeking at what is underneath. I understand what Shrek meant when he said, “Ogres have layers like onions.” I think as an Artist, I do too.
Thank you Barbara for having the wisdom to get us started on this journey. The road is bumpy at times, but I am quite sure the destination will be worth it.
I am feeling like a complete failure this week. I didn't get my assignments done for week 4. I did write my pages, but seemed to run out of thoughts at the end of page 2. I can think of many things to blame. Living in a 5th wheel, never being alone, having to work extra hours because of my husband's illness plus the absence of one of the campground owners, etc. etc. No, it's my own fault, and I know it. There must be a way I can accomplish what I want to do.
ReplyDeleteI did play the piano several times. That is always a highlight for me, a clearing of my mind and heart. Also, I thought about my ideal environment. A log cabin, or my RV, a wooded lot with tall pine or fir trees, flower pots and decorative rocks all around, a porch with a rocking chair, warm, pine scented air, critters wandering by, a cat in my lap and a dog at my feet, and lots of time to do piano and writing. Oh, and neighbors would be within walking distance, but not within my hearing. My favorite time of year is late summer and early fall.
Well, now I must redeem Week 5, not feel guilty, and press on to the fulfillment of my dreams. Thanks, all, for listening to me.
Be kind to yourself, Ann. Sounds like you had a week like mine was last week! Life happens. Accept it and move forward--you're never a failure if you keep moving on! I'm glad you have your music to help keep you sane. :-) And your ideal environment sounds a lot like where you are--so good for you for creating that in your life.
ReplyDeleteOnward and upward!
Thanks, I've just had a brainstorm! We are not in my ideal environment, we're out on the prairie, and I've realized that a prolonged stay here where there are no evergreen trees and where the mountains are 50 miles away has contributed to my "crankiness"! Also, lack of time to pursue my artist interests has made me grouchy. Now that I've seen that, I know that the last week was not a waste. I feel energized!
ReplyDelete