Check-In: Week Seven

Recovering a Sense of Connection

Listening

"Art is not about thinking something up. It is about getting something down.... We are the instrument more than the author of our work." 

"Expect the universe to support your dream. It will."

Sometimes we fail to hear the longings of our hearts because we fail to create the quiet necessary to listen. That's what morning pages, artist dates, and TAW exercises and tasks are doing for me--creating quiet, making space, putting up the "Gone Fishing" sign, helping me withdraw from the busy-ness of life to pay attention to the business of Life.

For the first time this week I did one of the visual tasks, or at least the first part of it: tearing through a stack of magazines to collect images reflective of my dreams for my future. (How wonderful to be almost 59 and realize I still have dreams!) I don't yet have the pictures glued down in a collage--they are currently spread out on my kitchen island, and I've been looking at them and thinking about them for several days. The images have led me to ruminate about an old dream and articulate it in my morning pages with a wealth of details that I've never expressed or even thought about before.

Expect the universe to support my dream? That's a tough one; this particular dream excites me because it draws on so many of my strengths and skills and interests, but also frightens me because my Censor tells me it's utterly impossible and how could I be so stupid (or arrogant) as to think I could ever carry it off?!

Which brings us to...

Perfectionism and Risk

"Perfectionism has nothing to do with getting it right.... [It] is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough..."

"The success of a creative recovery hinges on our ability to move out of the head and into action."

"We deny that in order to do something well we must first be willing to do it badly. Instead, we opt for setting our limits at the point where we feel assured of success.... We won't do something unless we can guarantee that we'll do it perfectly."

These two sections hit me hard. I saw myself in every line. I cringed. I felt exposed. I wanted to hurry on to the next section. But writing down twenty things I would try if I didn't have to do them perfectly told me more about myself than any other task or exercise I've done thus far on my current journey through The Artist's Way. I realized how deadening perfectionism and risk aversion have been to my creativity and how many dreams they have kept me from pursuing. "Once we accept that anything worth doing might even be worth doing badly our options widen," Cameron says. Sometimes--often--a risk is worth taking simply for the sake of taking it. Taking risks enlivens us, expands our self-definition, empowers us.

I don't have to start by taking a huge risk. I can start small, taking little risks that lead me in the direction of that larger one, which by the time I get there, having built up to it with smaller risks, may not seem so huge after all. Baby steps--that's all I need!

Jealousy

"Jealousy is always a mask for fear.... [It] strips us of our will to act when action holds the key to our freedom."

There's that word again: action. I loved the Jealousy Map exercise because it really did serve as a map, identifying where I was and where I wanted to go and helping me identify baby-step actions I could take in the direction of my dreams. 

HIGHLIGHTS FOR ME LAST WEEK: 

Exercises
"If I didn't have to do it perfectly, I would try..."
The Jealousy Map 

Tasks
Lying down in the middle of the day in a darkened room to listen to Debussy
My "Dream" Collage 

Morning Pages
Letting go of some current anger
Clarifying and articulating an old dream 

Artist Dates
An hour at the library looking for early readers to prepare for a writing project
An afternoon reading them aloud to my 92-year-old mom and laughing over them together! 

What about you?

NOTE: I believe I've figured out, with Linda's help, how to get everyone's comments into your email inbox when they are posted so you can read and respond to them without having to sift through all the Platform 9-3/4 blog posts to find them. In order to do so, I need each of you to email me at bhicksgvv(at)att(dot)net from your preferred email address with "TAW Address" in the subject line--no message required.

Next Week: Recovering a Sense of Strength
 

Mid-Week Check-In, Week Six

First, I'm looking into a way to make everyone's comments more accessible to everyone on a more timely basis. Thanks, Linda, for the idea and info--and I'll keep you all posted.

In the meantime, in a week when we focused on the idea of abundance in our lives, these have been some highlights:

Kay and Ginny both had interesting family-of-origin issues come up.

Pam, Linda and Jenn all used their morning pages to vent feelings "better left unsaid." Jenn likened her MP-3's to a compost bin: "You put this useless stuff inside, leave it there for awhile, and like magic, a fresh product is produced that promotes new life."

Jenn also gave her blog a facelift last week. Check it out at Scribbles From Jenn. And check out Linda's fun and funny drawing of her Censor on her Sketched Out blog.

Best story of nature's abundance last week: Maria spotted three orca whales cavorting off her local beach. Best story of commercial abundance: Maria again--she found the perfect fork at IKEA. (Is that a great place for an artist date or what?!)

Ann found a wonderful Native American quote last week: "Wisdom comes when you start living the life the Creator intended for you." She and her husband have been doing that, joyfully, for seven years, living full time in an RV and traveling to different parts of the country, working at campgrounds to earn their keep. Ann chronicles their journeys in words and gorgeous pictures on her Pilgrim's Journey blog.

Stephanie took her daughter AND her artist to hear her favorite poet speak. She also hung new curtains. And she was not surprised when a pink octopus found its way back into her work in progress...

Nancy articulated a dream to travel in Italy and paint. (Can you think of a more perfect place for painting?!) She also told two great stories: one about her mom, who was a "serious rock gal," and one about driving in Seattle.

Margie took her artist on a date to find a new journal, having completely filled her first one with morning pages. She also shared two resources: a TED talk, Stroke of Insight, and a book by Parker Palmer called Let Your Life Speak. "We have places of fear inside of us, but we have other places as well--places with names like trust and hope and faith..."

Janis was sick last week and didn't meet her TAW goals--but she's not giving up! Hope this week is going better, Jan.

Linda reported that Week Six is where she's gone AWOL from TAW in the past--but this time she shouldered through, even breaking the piggy bank to take her artist on a date! She also commented on everyone else's check-ins, so see what she had to say about yours. :-)

If you haven't yet checked in for Week Six, please do.

I've shared links to three TAWers' blogs today--anybody else want to share a link to your blog or website? (My own websites are www.barbarajeanhicks.com and www.class-act-creative.com.) It would be lovely to visit your online home!

Check-In: Week Six

Recovering a Sense of Abundance

The Great Creator

"The Creator did not know when to stop. There is not one pink flower, or even fifty pink flowers, but hundreds. Snowflakes, of course, are the ultimate exercise in sheer creative glee. No two alike. This creator looks suspiciously like someone who just might send us support for our creative ventures."

I love the idea of God's "sheer creative glee." The image springs to life in my mind: a great creative being, laughing uproariously, spinning, flinging an arm out like a wizard with a wand, hurling stars and worlds and living beings like sparks of light across the dark universe.

I found a beach this week I remember from my childhood. I gathered stones: a smooth white stone, perfect for "worrying" in my pocket, a jet-black stone worn smooth by the waves, a rose-colored stone with a peach stripe running round it, a rough-textured speckled stone, a green stone shaped like a heart. I found them all within easy reach as I sat on a log and watched the sun go down behind the misty San Juan Islands in the distance. My heart expanded.

And there are purple crocus blooming just outside my office window! The abundance of the world is mine--the wonder--but only when I take the time to stop and look.

Luxury

"Art is born in expansion, in a belief in sufficient supply..."

I gave my artist flowers this week--a pot of beautiful, deep rose miniature calla lilies I have sitting in front of a mirror near the desk where I work so their beauty is doubled. I gave my artist flowers for Valentine's Day!

Or was it my artist who gave them to me?

Counting

"Often our spending differs from our real values. We fritter away cash on things we don't cherish and deny ourselves those things we do."

I've never been one to fritter my money away--quite the opposite, as those of you who know me well can attest! Because I was thinking about the concepts in this chapter, I spent more this week than I normally do--but I was also more intentional in my spending. I purchased a mini-trampoline, something I've wanted since reading that using one could be helpful in preventing and even reversing osteoporosis. (That was months ago.) And I bought a new pole lamp for my living room with a reading light attached. (My old one stopped working weeks ago!) And I bought myself those calla lilies because they feed my soul...

Money Madness

"If I could afford it..."

I'd quit my job. How could a God as creative as the one I know want me to spend my life "making a living" in drudgery instead of "making a life" in sheer creative glee?

I've taken the risk at times in the past of quitting jobs that fed the body bit not the soul. So much synchronicity this week that seems to be leading me to that place again.... One very wonderful thing that happened this week was receiving an unexpected royalty check and payment for two freelance editing jobs that added up to more than my best month's paycheck from the job! And my 92-year-old mom, who doesn't remember things that happened and sometimes seems to remember things that DIDN'T happen, told me out of the blue about once quitting a job because she "just couldn't work for that man." As far as I know, this is not something that ever happened. Why would she say such a thing? Why now?

So the decision is made. Only the timing is still in question. Am I afraid? You bet I am!

MORNING PAGES, ARTIST DATES, EXERCISES AND TASKS

Morning pages are the one thing I've been completely consistent with. I haven't missed a morning since I started on January 3rd. They continue to be an incredibly powerful clarifying tool. "Money Madness" showed me where I've grown in my relationship to money and where I still need to grow. And you've already heard about my rich experience with Natural Abundance and my unexpected windfall. Again, why now? Is intentionality really that powerful? Very exciting!

What about you? Tell us about your experience with abundance this week. I hope you discovered resources you didn't realize you had. :-)

Mid-Week Check-In #2, Week Five

Somehow a comment got lost in space this week! Not seeing her name in the summary, Margie re-posted this morning, so make sure to catch up with her. (She had an "after-the-fact" artist date with her "Daughter-in-Love"--wonderful!--and muses about plateaus. Do we fear getting too close to the edge and seeing something we're not ready to see? Could we even lose our balance and fall off--looking silly in the process? Oh, the horror!)

So Margie, your words are there at the end of the Week Five comment section now. Thanks for persisting!

Mid-Week Check-In, Week Five

Here we are mid-week again! If you haven’t had a chance to post or respond to your fellow TAWers, now’s the time. A few highlights for me:

Pam is learning to protect herself from people who are drains on her creative energy. Stephanie too!

Stephanie also shares three great examples of synchronicity in her life last week—one involving a cat named Minnie. (Anything with a cat gets my immediate and undivided attention!)

Ginny reminds us of the Albert Einstein quote: "There are two ways to live your life; one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle."

Linda is using her morning pages, in part, as a gratefulness journal—a powerful tool I’ve used in the past to remind myself of that Einstein quote above. She also had some significant insights about projecting self-anger on others around her.

topangamaria got unexpected, “miraculous” support from her intimidating doctor after standing up to him. Way to be brave!

Janis, who has been telling us from the beginning she’s not really an artist (although she creates wonderful things in the kitchen and plays guitar) signed up for a watercolor class. Yay!

Dianne has been practicing a “no excuses” mantra to carve out time every day for her creative endeavors. She believes, along with Linda, that the group format we’re using for TAW is opening doors for her in ways that going through the book on her own in the past did not do.

June took morning pictures in her neighborhood—like a tourist in her own town. (Love that idea!) She also spoke of approaching TAW this time with “contemplation and intention” and what a difference that’s making.

There’s been a lot more conversation between y’all this week—I love it. June, we’ll figure out a format to make it easier to do that next time. (Next time? Hmm…) Thanks to all for sharing your insights and your lives. I'll be interested to hear about your experiences around abundance next week. I know I’ll have some interesting things to share!

Check-In: Week Five

Recovering a Sense of Possibility

"God is unlimited in supply. Receiving God's good [is] an act of worship--cooperating with God's plan to manifest goodness in our lives. God is our source, an energy flow that likes to extend itself."

What limits have you placed on yourself?

It was something of a revelation to me this week that the limits I place on myself and what I have the ability to accomplish are actually limits I place on God. If I truly believe that creativity is a spiritual issue, that there is a source of creative power outside myself that I can tap into, and that God desires me to experience creative abundance in my life, then all those things I've told myself I would never have as an artist are things I can have--if I open myself to the possibility of having them.

"Dependence on the creator within is really freedom from all other dependencies.... We are learning to give up idolatry--the worshipful dependency on any person, place or thing. Instead, we place our dependency on the source itself. The source meets our needs through people, places, and things." (emphasis mine)

On whom do you depend?

The affirmation I came up with last week has been my mantra this week: I am my own promised land. I am believing it more and more, even if I'm not completely there yet! I know I have the resources in my own character and in my connection to God to live creatively, to experience what I long to experience, to have the things I most desire in order to serve out my purpose in this world. No one else can do those things for me--and releasing my anger at those I've depended on in the past who failed to "come through" for me has re-energized me to move forward on my own.

"An artist must have downtime, time to do nothing. An artist requires the upkeep of creative solitude. An artist requires the healing of time alone.... We strive to be good, to be nice, to be helpful, to be unselfish. We want to be generous, of service, of the world. But what we really want is to be left alone."

Have you found ways to "fill the well" while letting go of guilt that you are being selfish in the process?

What Cameron calls the Virtue Trap is a tough one for me. This Saturday morning is really the first time all week I've been alone--and it feels so liberating! I love my family and friends, I love feeling needed, I love knowing I'm helping to lighten the burdens of the people I love--but I have so much less to give to anyone else when I have not spent time with ME, alone.

MORNING PAGES, ARTIST DATES, EXERCISES AND TASKS

Morning pages continue to be incredibly clarifying for me. As to my artist date, I took a page from several fellow TAWers this week and hand-made valentines! Very enjoyable. As for the exercises in this chapter, I found great insight in listing the things I'd love to do but am not allowed to do, especially when I came to the realization that it is myself alone who is not allowing me to do them.... And tasks? I find that I explore many of the issues in the task section of each chapter in my morning pages but don't take the time to explore them in the hands-on ways Cameron suggests. I'd like to make sure I do something more with the Week Six tasks.

What about you? How did you do with morning pages, artist dates, exercises and tasks? What have you discovered about the limits you've been placing on yourself? Who or what have you depended on in ways that have inhibited your own growth? What tips do you have to help the rest of us free ourselves from the Virtue Trap? Let us continue to inspire and celebrate each other!

Next week: Recovering a Sense of Abundance

Daily Check-In #1, Week Four Comments

If you haven't already, check out the comments from Ann, Nancy, Janis, June, Pam, Margie, Stephanie, topangamaria and Linda on the Week Four Check-In post. Some of you have still been having problems finding the comment section to keep up with the other participants. If you go to the Blog Archive on the left, just under the "About Me" section, you can click on the Week Four Check-In link to get to the right place to post, read and respond. You can also go back to Week Three, Week Two and Week One posts to find previous comments. Still looking forward to posts from the TAWers who haven't yet responded, even if just a sentence or two! You all inspire me.

Check-In: Week Four

Recovering a Sense of Integrity

It's 10:00 p.m. on Friday, I've been away all week, I catch a train at 7:00 Saturday morning and a plane at 11:20, I had an emotionally intense day (and not in a good way!), and I got four hours of sleep last night--so this will be short and sweet and you will have to fill in for me--which you all have been doing so beautifully. I so appreciate the participation, honesty and efforts of this group.

And those are my real feelings, not my official ones!

My morning pages brought up two issues that I have not been dealing with honestly. This week I dealt with both. It was not easy. I am exhausted. Next week I MUST focus on self-care.

I did not find or make time for an artist date let alone an artist weekend (and boy, do I feel like I need one!). I did make six lists of five fun ideas each: hobbies, classes, things I would never do, skills, things I used to enjoy, things I'd like to try once.

And I very much enjoyed describing my ideal environment, which includes lots of light, the scent of jasmine and orange blossoms, a fireplace and a purring cat. :-)

Reading Deprivation: I read mail, email, TAW and work-related documents. I didn't watch TV. I had little time for mindless anything and wished I had! Depriving myself of reading for pleasure and my favorite TV shows did not inspire any play, unfortunately--I just couldn't seem to find or make the time, and the nature of my spiritual work this week was not conducive to play either. Next week. I need to laugh!

How 'bout you all?

Daily Check-In #3, Week Three Comments

If you haven't checked lately, there are some powerful new comments in the last two days from Ginny, Jenn and Dianne after the Check-In: Week Three post.

If you're having trouble finding the posts where you can read and respond to new comments, here's the drill: after you read a daily check-in such as this one, set your browser to go to www.barbarajeanhicks.blogspot.com--without any additional parts to the address. That takes you to all the posts in the blog instead of just to the particular post you're reading--again, like this one. Then simply scroll down to the appropriate post--it will always be a Check In: Week [Number] post with an image identifying the week and chapter title.

I'm sorry it's been difficult for some of you to locate the comments--it took me a while to understand why you were having trouble, and I think these instructions should help. I hope so!