What are the "shoulds" that get in the way of your creative work? Mine have to do with paychecks. I've been thinking this week about jobs that feed the body but not the soul. Surely I am creative enough to find work that does both!
"To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive." (Robert Louis Stevenson)
Do you have preferences and do you let people know what they are? Or do you always "go along" with your companions? I'm finding as a newly minted single that I am enjoying the rediscovery of my preferences! A small example: I no longer have wine with dinner every night, and when I do, it's Chianti instead of Chardonnay. Not that there's anything wrong with Chardonnay; I simply prefer Chianti. Why did I drink Chardonnay all those years when I preferred something else?!
"The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention."
What did you pay attention to this week that brought you joy, that made you feel delight? For me it was the crunch of snow under my feet, the sharp sting of cold air on my face, the robin red-breast on the branch outside my office window...
MORNING PAGES
Did you write three pages every morning? I did! I got out some anger, some worry, some pain. I wonder how and why I ever got out of the habit of doing morning pages when they are such an effective tool for dealing with the "stuff" of life...
ARTIST DATE
Did you take your inner artist on a date? That three-mile walk in the snow was a good one for waking up the child in me. And the five minutes I spent listening to Don McLean's "Starry, Starry Night" and watching the slide show of Van Gogh's paintings fed my artist full up...
WEEK TWO TASKS
Did you complete any of the tasks last week? Anything you'd like to share? I did several tasks this week. I found that listing twenty things I enjoy doing did not come fast and easy, which told me how much my life has been about doing things for others instead of for myself. I want to do this exercise again as I move forward in the process of rediscovering my preferences.... I also found that the changes I listed in the "Ten Tiny Changes" exercise were anything but tiny! I want to do this one again, too, and make the list more doable by thinking of small changes that could lead me toward the bigger changes I'd like to make for myself.
Thanks to everyone who shared last week. I can't wait to read about your experiences in creative recovery during Week 2. You inspire me!
Next week's assignment: Week 3, Recovering a Sense of Power
Thanks for sharing, Barbara.
ReplyDeleteHere's what happened to me this last week. I totally missed one day of morning pages due to waking up late, etc. BUT on that day, I met with another Stanford Alum and we talked and talked and talked. She's on the board of the Sierra College Press and they are looking for all kinds of materials to publish. I made it clear that MORE GOLD, although carefully researched, WAS FICTION!. You remember More Gold as you edited it for me, Barbara. It has visited a published and the editor considered it for a while, but it 'just didn't connect'.
Any surprises? A couple of mornings I woke up with a resolution to a creative design problem in clay.
Moods: Upbeat, including positive memories about how to make a decision using a pro and con list that I learned from my mother when I was a young teenager.
I identified some Crazymakers in my life. Generally, I don't think that other people cause problems, but through morning pages writing, recognized that some of my 'stuff' comes from Crazymakers and I don't need them.
On my artist date, I ended up spending money on art supplies: buy one, get one free -- but that meant buying some things not on my list at this time. I took myself out for a delicious Thai lunch and sketched a patron in the corner.
AND! I spent a whole day painting.
Today, I cut my morning pages time short so I could respond to my new friend, the Stanford Alum, to let her know how happy I was to be asked for my manuscript before she left for the day to visit a Gold Country site. In my e-mail, I mentioned that rejection is the expectation when submitting, so I was very pleased she asked to see it. Guess what? The manuscript is all packaged up and ready to go with cover letter, summary, author's notes re: what is and is not fiction, and the manuscript including contents. She may appear this evening at our 3rd Saturday art reception and I could give it to her then. Otherwise, it's off to the post-office.
Although I don't feel at all bad about missing one morning pages day, and cutting it short another day, I will do my best to do them regularly.
Pam W
Sounds serendipitous, Pam! Keep us posted about More Gold--and of course I remember it! I'm so pleased that you spent an entire day painting last week...
DeleteIt does sound serendipitous, Pam! Hope to hear more on that. I also love how you woke up with a creative resolution. I find that happens to me more often when I do morning pages. It almost feels like magic!
DeleteI guess I published without re-checking for typos. Where the word read 'published' in the first paragraph, I meant publisher. See sentence: It has visited a ...
ReplyDeleteTime for check-in! I'm feeling a little behind this week. Things have been fairly hectic. I took Hubby to the hospital for a second kyphoplasty procedure on yet another compression fracture. I think about the subject of denying myself to wait on others, and thereby stiffling my own creative efforts, but sometimes it must be done that way.
ReplyDeleteI did do my morning pages every morning except when I took Hubby to the hospital at 6:00 a.m. in the dark, on slick, unfamiliar freeways with lots of cars and trucks buzzing by and putting sprays of mud on my windshield. Sometimes I only got 2 pages. Not being a wordy person does affect my writing sometimes. The pages have been helpful as we consider where we're going for our next job. I can list the pros and cons and sort out my feeling about working 1100 miles from the kids versus working in the same state or nearby where they are.
I was thrilled that I got an Artist Date this past week without actively looking for a time. An idea popped into my head while at work - I put down the words quickly, then after work I snapped some photos, and, voila! I had a new blog post. Felt good about that! I continue to try to find time to play the piano for awhile, too.
I did not do the tasks listed at the end of the chapter. I'm trying not to feel guilty for putting other things ahead of that. Part of my healing will be not feeling guilty! I am committed to this learning experience. It's always on my mind. Wait! I read somewhere, was it in this chapter?, that I need to notice the small things. I do that. I find joy in watching the sparrows, petting my kitties, seeing a gorgeous sunset, acknowledging the smile of a co-worker, enjoying putting together a good pizza at the campground. These little things help me as I am going through some big things in my life.
Noticing the little things, finding joy in them, is for me a refilling of the well. I find that paying attention connects me to the present when my regrets about the past or worries about the future want to crowd in.
DeleteWay to fight your censor and fight guilt! Sounds like you are doing some really good work despite distractions. Hey, life happens, right. We do what we can!
DeleteI was trying to write so I didn't do the pages 2 days thinking it would save time, but it cost me which was a surprise...I even lost my temper, so I'm in the right state of mind for chapter 3 already. Taking myself on a date has proven to be much more difficult than it ought to be. I'd hoped to see The Artist. Maybe this week?
ReplyDeleteYour artist is important enough to spend some time with--I hope you DO find time for a date with her this week--and maybe come away just a wee bit smitten!
DeleteI know what you mean about thinking you're saving time by not doing the pages. On days where I give them a pass I really feel clogged. I've also found that starting slowly with the dates, like a sweet little walk got me in the habit of carving out some time for my artist. Btw, did you see "The Artist?"
DeleteI have NOT seen The Artist--and now it's up for all these academy awards! It's worthwhile? I wonder if it's still around--I was thinking about taking myself to a movie for my artist date this week...
DeleteDo it Barb, do it! Maybe I will too!
DeleteI am happy to report that I completed 6 days of morning pages. I took the day off yesterday because I slept it and then simply had too much to do. The primary reason I signed up to do TAW was to renew my habit of doing morning pages ... I don't find it easy, but I do think it makes a difference in how much attention I am paying to my life and my choices. I am looking forward to seeing what comes up ... today I used the pages to process some old anger that needs to be acted upon (I too am looking forward to the insights that come out of this next week's reading/focus).
ReplyDeleteI didn't get to go on an artist's date this week--too many hours spent working and on other commitments. However I did connect on the phone with a good friend last night (thanks, Barb!) and I had coffee with a relatively new friend whose friendship I am wanting to develop.
I made the list of things I enjoy doing, one of which was spending time with girlfriends (so the fact that I had good conversations with two friends was a very good thing for me this week!)
Because I spend SO much time alone--working at home and sitting in front of the computer most of the day--I find that connecting with friends and family in an intentional way is something that fills the well for me. I know Cameron says that artist dates should be only me and my artist, but sometimes my artist needs to be in touch with other artists! So thanks for calling last week, Liz. :-)
DeleteI also think spending time connecting with people we enjoy goes a long way toward filling the well. I think the Artist's Date is a very powerful tool when used to the letter, but let's face it, it's a tool, not a rule. Sometimes we have to improvise. Good for you, Liz for filling that well!
DeleteThanks for the encouragement!I didn't check back until today, so just read your comments.
DeleteI enjoy reading all the check-ins.
ReplyDeleteI only did morning pages three days this week (same as last week!). And those, for the most part, were done not first thing in the morning, but when the baby was taking a morning nap. My reason: sleep-deprivation, pure and simple -- caused by a baby who does not sleep so well (and now has a cold as well as teething issues). My goal for next week will be to do them four days.
The sad thing is, I realize and know from experience that Morning Pages, done by the book and as many days a week as possible, will OPEN UP not just my creative life but my whole life. I know that. I just have to wake myself very early to make it happen. But it's do-able.
My artist date was better than the week before (non-existent) but was still poor, because I had my two kids with me. Really, it didn't count. We went to Larry McMurtry's antiquarian book stores, called Booked Up, in Archer City. I've been there plenty and find it inspiring and renewing. But with a squirming baby, it was a work-out. A highlight was going into the poetry room and just standing there among the books and smelling the air, all papery, and thinking of all those poems around me, and having that image in my mind afterward. So it wasn't a total loss.
One thing that hit me hard this week was the topic of how when we are blocked in our creativity, we can be so hardened, even ugly, regarding the creativity of others. That happened to me when I walked into a sandwich shop to pick up some lunch. A singer/guitarist was performing. It was kind of loud. The first thing I did when I walked in to the place was mentally criticize him and the whole scene. Aha! It hit me hard that rather than being the target of others' criticisms for my craft, something I fear, I was dishing it out all around me. Thank goodness for this chapter to wake me up.
This has been a very long update, so I will not leave any more details. The previous paragraph is my most important discovery for the week, anyway.
Happy Week Three to all!
I think that sounds like a fabulous artist date, Stephanie! I LOVE your description of the poetry room, "smelling the air, all papery..." Your words took me there.
DeleteYour insight about your inner critic being directed towards other artists was significant. Ouch! That's the problem with doing this kind of work. We see things we don't really want to sometimes--but all to the good. You are doing good work for your artist, even with sleep deprivation!
Sounds like you are doing fabulously! You're getting quite a bit TAW stuff accomplished while taking care of the wee ones. Kudos to you!
DeleteI also feel that if you can't get the pages done in the morning (which is definitely the most powerful way to do it) that doing them in the afternoon or even the evening is better than not doing them. I find they still have a lot to offer.
One more thing: I appreciate and agree with Topangamaria's statement that, though you think it will save you time to skip morning pages, it really costs you. This is TRUE!
ReplyDeleteGood morning, TAW friends. I enjoy hearing from you all.
ReplyDeleteThis week I missed one day of Morning Pages, and several times they turned into Evening Pages... so I set the book out by my favorite chair so I have a visual reminder, and that works for me.
My artist date was a short walk in the snow. We've been shoveling/plowing out of 2+ feet of snow and it is supposed to snow most of this coming week. We really need the snow for the ski mountain and the moisture for the year's precipitation levels.
I've had several personal realizations from doing the Morning Pages (too long to put here... but very important to me!)
I did several of the Tasks, and a big thing for me this week was letting go of some depression I've been carrying around (which I've already told you about from losing my dad, brother and beloved doggie all since April), and boy, did it feel good!
One more important thing I have been inspired to do is de-cluttering in office, home and studio... Making room for the New to come in! This has been like a gasp of fresh air!
Blessings,
Ginny
Good to read of all your ebbs and flows ...
Deleteand CONGRATS, Pam, on that 'divine' encounter with the Sierra College Press person and the sending off of your ms. Woohoo!
And Stephanie, talk about 'paying attention' in that poetry room .... and the quality of your life enhanced because you took delight in the 'papery smells' etc. And with kids in tow too. Impressive.
I had a fabulous week and I thank you Barbara, for this place to share it. Morning pages - five times - have been immeasurably helpful in moving me forward. I cannot even begin to articulate all the insights I have had about myself and how I tick and why that is. TWO big A-HAs this week have been been around self-love/vulnerability and the partnership I have with the Great Creator/Divine in me. Just feel like I am really on to something --- the SNOW (kept me home) helped, and even my bout with the FLU did, I think. Kinda ties in with that 'doing for others' piece. If you can't get out to do it, then you spend time with your own thoughts and your own needs and your own growth :)!
If we all lived near one another, perhaps we could gather for tea and talk and more details. For now, let me just include two wonderful resources I experienced last week that tied in beautifully with Cameron's messages.
Two TED talks:
Brene Brown's on vulnerability
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
Elizabeth Gilbert's on creativity
http://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html
Ginny, I agree with you about de-cluttering--it really does make room for more important things. But so hard for me to KEEP de-cluttered. I'm one of those people who forget about stuff if I file it away, so I constantly have piles of things that need attention--and sometimes stuff gets lost at the bottom of piles.
DeleteMargie, I'm excited to hear that you had a week filled with personal insights. I plan on listening to at least one of the TED talks this week, Elizabeth Gilbert on creativity. Fellow TAWers, if you're not familiar with TED, check it out. Thanks for the reminder of another way to fill the well.
Ginny, you are my new hero. The way you so proactively tackle your depression! I was also inspired to do a de-cluttering a week ago. It makes such a difference in my attitude. But, Barbara, I have the same problem of keeping it that way, hee hee!
DeleteOh, oh! Pick me! Pick me! I have been waiting all week to post! I am so excited to say that I did my morning pages everyday except Monday because we left at 6:30 in the morning, and I just wasn't that diligent.
ReplyDeleteI completed Task #5--Write out 3 affirmations 5X each day. I also attempted the same task that you did, Barb, of writing 20 things I like to do, but I also found that a bit difficult. I don't think I completed the list.
As I read over some previous comments, I think that I have an easier time with the morning pages than you writers do because I have no expectations from them or from myself. I feel the freedom to write whatever comes to mind. I also like having "permission" to not read them (page 10), so I have no critism of my writing whatsoever. I just write. How freeing!
I can't say for sure that it's the morning pages. Maybe it is the bigger awareness of creativity through this course, but I feel I have positive results. I would define creativity as the ability to make up something (i.e., create!). And, whereas, I am not doing my own creating, I am feeling renewed desire to play the guitar, try new recipes, prepare crafts for my K-1 Sunday School class. I am even x-stitching more frequently! (I just might finish this piece!)
I had planned to take myself on an artist's date on Thursday, but found I could not get away. So I did the next best thing: Made myself a cup of tea, sat down with some homemade cookies, and spent two hours poring over my cakeball book and cookie recipe book. I made two lists--shopping list for specialty items and a list of new recipes I want to try. I'm ready!
Thanks, Barbie, for keeping me encouraged!
I think the morning pages not only get out the "stuff" that could otherwise absorb our attention throughout the day, they are also a reminder that we are creative people on a journey, and that makes us more open to opportunities for creativity.
DeleteI don't think you have to go out for an artist date--you can stay in, just like you did. Having a cup of tea and poring over books that inspired your creativity seems to me like a "well-filling" experience, and that's what you're looking for!
Janis, that sounds like an absolutely lovely Artist's Date! I also really enjoy the brain dumping that occurs with the morning pages. Sometimes I even get specific answers to questions I have and eeeeeevery now and then, some profundity may ensue. (0;
DeleteDespite a hiccup of a day or two, my week was very productive. I feel like I am finally falling into the rhythm of this. I did my morning pages everyday. I do not have a problem at all writing three pages and I often go over. I seem to be a little ADD and bounce from one thing to another. I wrote the 3 daily affirmations and it was interesting to see how I picked different ones and repeated a few that seemed more relevant to me.
ReplyDeleteWhen I listed the 20 things I like to do, I found that I manage to do most of them but don't devote enough time to these pleasures. There are only so many hours in the day!!
Most of my "tiny" changes involve cleaning and purging myself of old books, papers that no longer have relevance in my life. I have four bags of books to donate to the library and have thrown out bags full of old papers that I have no idea why I saved. However I did not part with the datebooks from the year I met my husband and the one from the year my son was born. In my organizing frenzy, I rediscovered a wonderful but forgotten book of poems called Neruda's Garden- an antholgy of Pablo Neruda's odes to common things. Sort of an unexpected artist's date.
On to Week 3!
Ah--another person de-cluttering! You and Ginny may just be an inspiration to others of us here.
DeleteSometimes unexpected artist dates are the best kind. Now I want to find Neruda's Garden and read it for myself. Odes to common things fits right in there with paying attention. Thanks, June.
I sometimes go over with the pages too, June. I guess I have a lot on my mind on those days, and it's great to have somewhere to put it all. I also find that my affirmations change from day to day, depending on what goes on with the MP's. It amazes me sometimes how much affirming, in so many areas, I seem to need! Sounds like you are really on a fantastic journey!
DeleteHi all. Thank you for checking in; knowing that others are doing the best they can helps me feel good about how I'm doing. Despite being busy or having little control over your schedules (I'm thinking especially of you, Stephanie), you seem to be finding ways to work TAW into your daily/weekly routine. Me too, and it feels great.
ReplyDeleteI had an especially busy/different week, working hours and hours on a volunteer project. And Friday I started a new job at the Ventura County Community Foundation. I am thrilled to be working for such a great organization. I am equally thrilled to have my own office, something I haven't had for ages. I don't have any space at home to call my own, so having an office will feel fantastic.
Keep on keepin' on, ladies (and any anonymous gents).
Kay, congratulations on snagging a job with VCCF! (So everyone knows, they give money away to arts projects in Ventura County.) I hope you'll still make time for your artist--remember that it's feeling great!
DeleteHi All,
DeleteI have enjoyed reading your posts, sharing in your ups and downs.
I wrote my morning pages, all but one day.
I had thought that I would drop out of the blog
but I have not done so yet so I'll see how it goes. :)
You all are inspiring to me.
I have worked a lot on my picture book
writing and have started on two color pieces.
I also thought about the "shoulds" in my life and I realized that I have had a certain feeling all my life; that being: no matter what I am doing, I think I should be doing something else.(If I am working in my studio, I think I should be walking my dog and when I am walking the dog, I think I should be in the studio.) Go figure.
I am trying to deal with that and organizing my life so I do what is most important, which in turn makes me happy.
I am also working on decluttering as Barb, June and Ginny. I had always been able to keep the clutter down but, you know,I never got much of anything else done. Since I have started writing more seriously, my house is not so neat. But in the long run, if you can look at an illustration or a story or a painting and see accomplishment
then who remembers the shape of the house that day.
My artist date, because of snow and ice, was a cup of tea in our den, near the heater where I read a book on illustrators.
Nancy
Kay, Congrats on the new job! And keep up the good TAW work!
DeleteNancy, balance is exactly the word that came to me this week! A bit of a struggle. But there are always going to be shoulds, that's just life, right? But taking care of the things that mean more to you should... I mean COULD take priority!
DeleteThanks,Linda. Balance is what it is.
DeleteAnd I loved that you found that jacket in the thrift shop...just what I was thinking as I read your story.
Nancy
Thanks Nancy! Oh, also, I wanted to say woo hoo to your picture book progress! I am in that process too. I wrote and illustrated a dummy, but now I should... want to work on color pieces! Keep up the good work!
DeleteI think you're right about needing balance when it comes to housework, Nancy. Keeping the house in order is not as important as the art or writing I'm doing, but having a certain amount of order in the house, it seems to me, helps increase creative flow. I love that you are organizing your life to do what's most important to you--the only way to be happy, methinks!
ReplyDeleteFunny, I was feeling guilty about missing a day of morning pages, but it looks like I was in good company this week! But do you know what? Feeling guilty about not doing MP's one day is kind of like turning them in to "should-s." So, not going to buy into that (Mr. Censor!) Morning pages do so much good for me. If I miss a day, it only impacts me. No one else. It's a tool not a rule! (Oooh, did I just make that rhyme up?). So, no more "should-s" only "want to-s!"
ReplyDeleteAnywho, that was me ranting at my censor. Notice it's a Mr.? Hmm, makes me wonder.
My Artist's Date was deliciously frivolous and a two-parter. One of my "ten tiny changes" was to change my look. (Working at home alone, my fashion statement tends to be sweats.) So on Tuesday I went to Barns and Noble and perused some fashion mags to get ideas. (Frivolous! How dare I?) I spotted a jacket that seemed a snazzy style for me. But sooo expensive! The next day, I took a tour of the thrift stores of Downtown Ventura. Lo and behold I saw almost the identical jacket... for $10! Synchronicity? I think maybe!
Through working with Week 2 tasks, I've identified that I have a big issue with "should-ing all over myself, as Stuart Smalley would say. It was amazing how much I was able to turn it around, in a short time, with paying attention to my own speech and thought patterns and then enlisting affirmations. However, I think it will take a good long time to get to what I shou... I mean, I could achieve. (0;
I've also immensely enjoyed reading how everyone is doing and all the insights and inspirations this group has been sharing. I'm already well into week 3, but was late getting this wrap up done. So onward and upward, to Week 3 and Week 4!
Linda, the last time I did the Artist's Way--and it's been years--I remember reading back over my morning pages (I think that's an assignment coming up sometime soon) and finding it FULL of should's. So I'm very aware every time I write "should" and usually catch myself. But yes, I'm still "shoulding all over myself," as you say! But I'm also saying "I want..." more often, without feeling guilty!
ReplyDeleteLoved hearing about your shopping synchronicity! That's the second thrift store story on these pages in the last couple of weeks. Great place for an artist date!
It amazes me and comforts me that simply paying attention to things like "shoulding" helps you to gently change. Comforting because there's not some big scary thing you have to do to change. Just paying attention seems to bring little and sometimes big epiphanies. Brilliant!
Delete... and yes, thrift stores rule! My mom has this one thrift store where she always seems to find what she's in need of. I call it her "vortex of abundance." Hee Hee!
Linda, your sentence says... "It amazes me and comforts me that simply paying attention to things like "shoulding" helps you to gently change.' I might add that even the slightest, most gentle of changes makes a huge difference in the big picture. Yea!!
ReplyDeleteI too have a mad love for thrift shopping.
DeleteIt does run counterproductive to decluttering,
which is the change I have the hardest time
with = letting go, but what I need to do most!
Even if I change from more going out than coming in would be a good shift, at least for now, while I can still get around the house.